07.03.09
See What See?
See cock ah see?
That’s Manglish [Malaysian English, or Mangled English] for : Whatcha looking at yer creep! to all my international readers.
As I was enjoying my dinner [mm, food. See, I DO eat!], I noticed a woman at the table next to me continually glancing my way to steal glances at me.
First time she does that, I consider the fact that I may look familiar to her. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth yada yada time, I start to get a little annoyed. Creeped out even. Here’s a woman in her late 30s or early 40s whom I DO NOT know, looking at me eating food. I muttered to my mum “Fucking bitch at the next table is staring at me!”. Yeah, we swear a LOT in my family.
By the end of my meal, I got so FED UP of her attempting to discreetly stare at me [epic fail, as I caught her every. time. ], I positioned myself at a 90º angle so that I could see her. Yes, uncomfortable for me and I dripped food every where like a toddler, but I needed to eat in peace.
Stupid cow still tried to look at me. What the FUCK is her problem?! A quick check revealed that I had 2 ears, 2 eyes, 2 nostrils, 2 hands, 2 legs, so really, why was she looking at me like a sideshow freak?
It could be because my hair’s so short, I’m wearing shorts and a slightly baggy tee, that I look like a boy. Maybe she thinks that I’m my mum’s 13 year old toyboy who’s undergoing gender reassignment as from certain angles you can catch a hint of bosom. But whatever it is, if she is going to stare, I will give her something to stare at [did HER MOTHER not teach her not to stare?!].
So as I left the table, I put on my lowest voice and announced to half the restaurant :
My tits are damn sore today!
Whilst giving my twins a good boob lift [for added dramatic flair, nonetheless]. I shouldn’t call them twins, for they resemble grapes instead of grapefruits.
It worked, for she gaped at me and I sauntered out the restaurant.
Righty, today’s Bikram practice [before I get carried away and talk about boob jobs and boob lifts and have someone come along and say I should love my boobs la di da - oh here I go again!] :
Lock the damn knee. Lock the damn knee. Lock the DAMN knee, even in tulandandasana! Erik said that if my knee’s locked, my leg wouldn’t fly up too high and correcting me would be easier.
That and I need to seriously work on keeping my knee locked throughout every posture in the standing series [except for... awkward, garurasana, etc].
Off to bed. Can’t type straight.
M*
07.01.09
RoboGeisha!
I present to you, the most awesome trailer EVER. Ok fine, I need to say that it may disturb some people [there's violence, heaps of it] and it’s not for the faint of heart.
Other than that, I laughed like a maniac while watching this.
I think I may need to get a new set of friends after this. [insert evil laughter here]
Oh and today’s class? Died. Totally died. Dehydrated and by spine strengthening, all I could do was lie down on the mat and try to feel my arms and legs feel alive even though it felt like my legs, arms, face and neck were soldered to the floor.
And now, I’ve got a craving for fried chicken and a nice mug of deliciously rich and sinful dark hot chocolate.
M*
p.s : Again, since I am the laziest person on the planet [not to mention saving up for BYTT means not indulging anymore], I’ll make do with an omelet. 
I Do!
Eat, that is.
You know it’s time to take out the butter, bring on the whipped cream [proper cream whipped to death with sugar, not the type from the can] and rip open that packet of chips [Lays FTW!] when even the studio director tells you in a grave tone : You should eat.
Oh, but I do. I really do! On Thursday and Friday I had lunch and dinner respectively at a Japanese buffet. Yes, a buffet 2 days in a row. Naturally I went barbaric and had myself oodles of salmon sashimi [I would've quietly tucked some back for Bella till The Boyfriend pointed at a sign that said : Dine-in only. Any food brought out of the premises will be charged at RM30 / 100g], more and more sushi, some other delectable deep-fried stuff and lest we forget – 3 scoops of Haegen Dasz ice cream. And chocolate breadsticks. And 5 Thai coconuts.
Maybe it’s the new haircut that makes my face look slimmer. Or maybe I’m toning up right now, which makes my flab look firmer [and thus the illusion that I've lost 10kg overnight]. It could also be all that water retention finally getting out of my system. But whatever the reasons are, it has me a little freaked that even the studio director would tell me frankly before class “Mei, you need to eat”. It also doesn’t help that I’m small-boned and short, so any weight lost [or gained] looks very drastic.
With my short short hair, small frame, flat chest and flat ass [fuck you very much genetics], I look like a boy. I am now considering going for a boob job to up my bust, but a pity nothing can be done about my flat-as-a-washboard ass.
And to think only a few months ago I was a 32C.
M*
06.30.09
Shoo and BEGONE!
Ugh, I think I may be coming down with something. Something that starts with a C and rhymes with OLD. And no, it’s not H1N1 so stop looking at me like I’m covered in festering, bubbling boils. Ok FINE, I *am* covered in pimples, but still!
Was down and out for the count during class yesterday. Toppled out of padangustasana while coming out and fell over during trikanasana. By spine strengthening series I was giving it my all, but plopped down to savasana one set of everything. Fell asleep during ustrasana and it would’ve been a nice long nap had Erik not come down from the podium to tap me on the shoulder.
Today : The inner brat in me threw a MEGA tantrum before class. “No, don’t WAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNAAA GO! DON’T WANNA! DONCH WAAAAAAAAAN! [insert ear-piercing scream and appropriate hand flailing]“.
M* : Must. Go. It’s only 1.5 hours, and officially Day 11!
Brat Mei : Don’t. Wanna!!!! I’m sick, *sniff sniff sob sob.
M* : Go. Or ELSE.
Brat Mei : Or ELSE what?! You’re one half of me too!
M* : … Who wants some ice cream after class?
Brat Mei : MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
M* : If you want ice cream, you’re gonna have to go to class.
Brat Mei : ohkay FAINE.
*drags sad sorry self up to change.
I know, I know. I’m a little crazy to have a dialogue with myself, but hey, I was the only child for 7 years before my brother came along, so I’ve gotten used to talking to myself.
And I did not regret one bit going to class after twisting, bending and compressing the fever out of me.
On a side note, I am in the midst of procuring funds to get to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. So if ANYONE out there has ANY freelancing writing jobs [the more the better!], hit me up at meimei2606 [at] gmail dot com.
Thinking positive, thinking positive, thinking positive, thinking positive! >.<
M*
Asian Poses!
Yay, it was Asian Poses on Friday!
I know, I know, it’s very late [and so should be aptly named Asian Poses On Friday Now Postponed To Monday]. But behold, I present to you, Mei and Justine’s collection of Asian Poses. Although there were 20 photos taken, according to the Guru of Photos, only 15 could be used. Many thanks to Za for taking the photos [and neglecting work for 13.4 minutes], I will forever be in your debt. It was very hard work indeed taking photos of 2 lunatics posing around Thinkspace going “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now we do…. [insert pose name]!”. That and he was 3 seconds away from disembowelling himself from all the cuteness.
Justine has managed to look cute in all the photos. I had trouble keeping a straight face and as a result, ended up looking rather constipated in a few shots. I assure you that my bowels are working perfectly well.
Oh, and check out my new haircut! That’s another reason why I went camwhoring on Friday. Loving the new short ‘do, as it makes practicing Bikram that much easier 
Ok, enough copy text, here are the noteworthy pictures.
Nyan Nyan!
Notice how Justine pulled off the pose PERFECTLY? Complete with cute eyes [and look, she too has small wrists, I feel less like a freak].
DOUBLE PEACE SIGN FTW v^_^v
*snigger snigger
Frame!
… my frame was a failure. Justine’s however, was a complete success.
Salute!
This reminds me of a rejected photo for a calendar. I can imagine the Creative Director going “OUT OUT OUT, WAD EES DIS CRAP?!”
Call me~
Justine looks seductive. I look pathetic.
Pillow! Or as the Asians say it, "pirrow!"
She looks at peace, I look like Lorena Bobbit before she did the deed.
Confused~~~
This was the exchange that was going on Facebook :
M* : That looks like the writers pondering how to dissect a badly written brief.
Justine : as if. do either one of us react so mildly to a bad brief? i think not. la la la la la
Note : NEVER EVER EVER give the writers a crappily written brief, as we’ll throw down a tantrum so bad it’ll make HULK SMASH HULK BASH look like kittens running through the daisies.
*pleading*
Justine looks convincing. I look like I’m pleading with an evil grin, the kind that will stab your balls with a knife while you’re helping the kittens. v^_^
*begging~*
M* : Please have pity on me, o great Justine.
Justine : For your valiant attempt at Asian poses, I hereby grant you a can of refreshing soda.
Note : Hmph, you guys get coke, we get STAY ALERT STAY AWAKE pills. WTF.
Thinking + Act Cute
Justine looks like she’s plotting something.
Pointing!
Oi, how come our fingers are out of focus? Tsk tsk. Ok ok, it was taken on the rush. Oh by the way, our camwhore pictures were taken on a NIKON dslr, so it’s very “professional” LOL
Heart! <3
This reminds me of Captain Planet, where the lousiest ring power would be that kid from South America – HEART. Really, WTF?
Shhhh.
Silence. We are doing Asian Poses.
Shock~
We’re practicing for when we accept our Golden pencils, right?
GIANT heart!
And to finish : a GIANT heart! <3
There, now all foam in your mouth and collapse and marvel that is the greatness of Justine and Mei’s Asian Poses.
M*
06.29.09
PERVERTS
A few members of the male species at the local yoga studio really got my beef today. ROAR!
It is a known and acceptable fact that women who practice hot yoga or Bikram Yoga wear itty bitty shorts and a tank top/ bra top. No, this is not to show off our marvelously flat belly or curvaceous body. This is because yes, it is hot, and it will only get hotter in class, so obviously you don’t want getting cotton soaked through and through only to weigh 2tonnes by tadasana [yes, I sweat THAT much!].
There was a first-timer who joined the class. Before class he was literally oogling at the females who were wearing bra tops and shorts / 3/4 pants. Could literally see his tongue hanging out of his mouth and if you were to listen carefully, he was panting like a dog in heat. After the final savasana, my mum caught him staring at my friend [who was wearing her cute Shakti shorts]’s pubic area. Mum gave him the evils [you can't exactly yell "FUCKING PERVERT!" while other people are relaxing] before he got the hint and dragged his perverted self out the door.
The next day, he came to class again, only this time, during final savasana, as I did a half spine twist on the floor [love doing this to crack my lower back], I caught him checking ME out. I gave him the mother of all evils before he slowly turned away like a cat caught stealing the jug of cream and sauntered out the room. Fucking pervert.
Not to mention a few males who were SO OBVIOUSLY staring at women’s chests / ass during certain postures. To these males, I say :
Get a life. You come to Bikram Yoga to improve your health, not check out other nubile bodies. We females know how to avoid wardrobe malfunctions, so if you’re hoping for a nipple slip, you’d best be taking off your own shirt and looking at your own nipples. While you’re at it, why not you twiddle them left and right and twist it off to do us all a favour. If you’re looking for a little camel toe action, rejoice, for there may be some. However, if you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of a cunt flap / vajayjay lip dropping out of our shorts, I’m sorry, Shaktis are pretty good in helping us ladies preserve our modesty. If seeing sweaty bodies bend and twist on a journey of health and self discovery turns you on, you’d be better off watching the Discovery channel because more sex happens there. Maybe a few scenes of rhinos mating in the savannah ought to be more interesting, with the added advantage of you being able to masturbate in the comforts of your own home.
Maybe you ought to bring your spouse / girlfriend to Bikram Yoga so you may be able to perve and fantasise all you want using her body as your source of inspiration. If you are single and trying to pick up the ladies after all your perving, you can forget about it, because we can most certainly smell your lecherous ways a mile away.
M*
06.27.09
Annual Pimple Convention
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls above the age of puberty. I am sure that if you are above the age of 12, you would have experienced the occasional bothersome and maybe painful, ZIT. Commonly known as pimple or if you’re like me, you’ll name each and every spot. Unfortunately for me, I have too many so I’ve lost count.
Yes, I’m the weirdo who names her pimples. Doesn’t it make it a little more bearable when you go “LE HAH! Die Murphy DIE! I will SQUEEZE you and you will DIE DIE DIE and NOT scar my lovely face!*” ? Well, it works for me.
For some reason, the pimples have decided that the very prestigious Annual Pimple Convention is to be held on my body, namely my torso and my face. Should your pimple wish to participate, please email me to reserve a spot [pun unintended].
So far, the attendees are :
- Pimplera the 2nd, residing on my torso and looks like my 3rd nipple.
- Julian, residing on my hairline and is the cause of me going “ARRGHH OW!” during sasangasana.
- Sam, residing next to Julian.
- Jacintha, residing next to Pimplera.
and countless other esteemed dignitaries.
I think the zits are converging on my body as I’ve been stuffing junk into my body the past few days. Practice wise, no discrenable differences, apart from when they say “I hit the wall during practice”, I literally hit the wall [okay FINE, mirror!] today.
Saturday night TV beckons.
M*
Oh, HAI!
I’m sorry, been bits busy celebrating the 26th of June.
Patiently awaiting the Asian Poses from Justice. We did 20, yo! Many thanks to Za for helping us take the pictures and to Brian L for his crappy art direction :
Za : Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Hurry up!
M* : Think of it as your birthday present to ME. Now hurry up and TAKE THE PICTURES.
*click click click
Brian : Awesome. Now girls, take your clothes off.
Justine : Fuck you.
We forgot 6 of the poses! Oh and we couldn’t do the pigtail one cause well, we both have short hair, heh heh heh. Plus it was good fun visiting the old office again and goofing around with the guys
M*
06.24.09
A Rude Awakening
I shall be known as Gasseous Maximus, daughter of Fartus Alotus, as I felt real gassy and farty during class.
But of course, I adhered to proper societal decorum and did NOT let one rip in class. Not loudly, at least. Heh heh heh.
Started off the day feeling dehydrated. By dehydrated I mean : Even after 4litres of water, my pee is still yellow. DISGUSTING!
Even after skulling another litre of water, my pee stubbornly remained yellow. Fascinating. Actually, not so.
Finally, I had 2 glasses of super electrolytes, had a 1 hour nap before being rudely awakened by two old farts [heh, no pun intended].
During class, the lack of water started playing out as I struggled to find strength, and drifted off to sleep during savasana – dreaming of ponies and unicorns waltzing around the room like I took 4 hits of LSD* – before the familiar “Flex your toes, arms over your head, breathe, suck your stomach in and SIT UP!”.
Lesson : ALWAYS hydrate thyself. Or you’ll find cartoon characters invading your practice.
M*
* Never tried LSD. Apparently it makes you see colourful pretty things, and ponies and unicorns were the 2 pretty colourful things I could think of!
Slurpee
I feel like having a slurpee right now. Or a bowl of shaved ice with sweet corn, syrup and other sweet goodies [known here as ais kacang]. Anything cold, cool and sweet to calm the raging dryness that resides in my throat. Alas, I am one of the laziest people to inhabit planet earth, so a can of green tea + aloe bits shall suffice. For some reason I am insanely dehydrated. Even after 4Litres of water [around 135 oz], my pee is still yellow and I get that tingly feeling when I hit the floor series. And yes, I am electrolyting before and during class!
And I now leave you with this awesomely inspiring TV commercial. This is precisely why I LOVE TVCs from Thailand – funny, witty, totally unexpected and it doesn’t help that the talents are pretty cute.
Enjoy!
M*
