Fire in the Hole!
I have an explosive case of diarrhea. It is so explosive, it’s powerful enough to drive Osama out of his cave and power a mini nuclear reactor for 5 months.
The most disgusting thing about it is that I can see bits of mushroom from yesterday’s breakfast present in my watery ejection today.
Can you imagine running to the toilet 4 times a day and waking up at night with a neolithic “SHIT! I need to SHIT!” urge?
I suspect my mum forgot to buy toilet paper as well.