Monthly Archives: February 2009

15 Advertorials by Saturday

Fuck off, do you think I can really write all 15 by myself?

You demand quality yet set such a ridiculous time. And you can’t even explain succinctly what needs to be done and how.

M*

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Lesson # 9289234

NEVER EVER let a girl who’s got stickers over her eyelids, do your make up. What’s the purpose of these stickers, I hear you ask? It’s to make it appear as though she’s got double eyelids, that’s what.

 

PLEASE. If you aren’t blessed with double eyelids, your options are : 

– Getting surgery to fix it. Plenty of Koreans have done it.

– Utilising make-up to achieve bigger eyes.

 

But PLEASE don’t waste your time and money on something that obviously doesn’t work. 

 

I actually like the colour, but she somehow mutilated it on me and dabbled it all over my eyelid. I now look like I’ve got fungus growing over my eyelids. And that lady didn’t even tell me what she’s doing, so when I open my eyelids to take a peek she rudely tells me “CLOSE EYES. PLEASE”. 

 

 

 

The perfect representation of the :( emoticon

The perfect representation of the 😦 or -_- emoticon

 

 

Picture taken in office. Top from Glampot, RM10 (MNG). Lip colour from Clarins. 

 

 

 

M*

The Most Ridiculous Thing

Okay so I had my wordpress window open, pondering as to what to write to kill time and update all of my 3 2 readers, when suddenly, my phone rang. 

 

It was Kelvin Lim that called! Woot!

 

No, not my boyfriend. Tsk tsk.

 

KL : Hey, er, you studied languages right?

M* : Er, yeah…

KL : Oh shoot, I need some help as to how to pronunce this name …

M* : Oh tell me, and I’ll give it a shot! 

 

So he gives me the name. After HMMing and AHHHing and throwing blind guesses in the wind, I’ve decided to call the expert on all things French and Law – Miss Lily Cheah! 😀

 

M* : Hello, is this Lily?

Lily : Er.. yes

M* : Hola! Que tal! It’s Mei here. 

Lily : Carmen?

M* : … No! Mei! At this point I was wondering if I should be named Car-mei, or Car-mei-cheal 😛

          Hey listen, need your help. How do you pronunce the French name … Alain ?

Lily : Ah-lang.

M* : Ah, like lalang weeds in Malay  !

Lily : LOL yes something like that.

 

And we spent about 2 minutes trying to get me to pronunce it right, so I don’t fuck it up for Mr.Lim.

 

M* : Er.. Alain isn’t CLOSE at all in pronunciation to putamadre, is it?

Lily : OH NO NO! Thank goodness for that!

 

😛

 

LOL well, it was good catching up with you Lils 😉 Although it was for a crash course in French names!

 

 

M*

Thunder from Down Under

No, I’m not describing my morning farts. Yes I have horrible sounding farts in the morning, so what? It’s better that than a silent-but-violent [no sound and horribly stinky] fart.

If you are possible wondering what am I on about, I’m talking about the world’s #1 male revue, Thunder from Down Under. It’s thanks to xiaxue’s blog that I’ve had the chance to know these… fine men.

And more hot action goodness here :

Ahhh if only we could get that for Tania’s hen’s. Actually, screw that, get it for my hen’s night. Since it’s too damn far away, I’ll settle for tickets as a birthday present.

If you really must know, yes I was drooling and screeching when watching the videos. Who wouldn’t?

M*

Where?

Is my centre of calm and serenity?

 

My monkey mind is chattering non-stop, and I can’t concentrate on work.

 

 

M*

Blondus Maximus

Today was the day of all ironies.

The irony and WTF-ness of today will encompass ALL blonde moments that I have encountered.

First off, we all know how my precious Kangoo was taken to the hospital as she was sick after that accident with the damn Rempit [may God bless his dear motorbike and his soul, wherever he may be]. So I’ve been car-less since. For the past 1.5 months. Damn you workshop uncle.

Every single time he calls it’s “Oh, I’m busy, will call you back” he never does, I end up calling HIM back! or “No spare part-lah Miss”. Last straw was when he said “WAAAHH, whole of Malaysia no spare part wor, have to order from FRANCE!”.

Heathens.

So my mechanic whom I sent it to, Yap, not the useless workshop uncle called me yesterday and asked if I got my car back. Here goes convo :

Yap : So er, did you get your car back?

M* : No.

Yap : Oh! Did my friend call you?

M* : Err, no?

Yap : oh ok, in that case, I er … starts to sound hesitant … have a car for you to loan.

M* : Oh wow, what sort of car?

Yap : It’s a Proton Saga, automatic… you can come pick it up tomorrow.

M* : Thanks, but my car won’t be done for another 2 weeks, are you sure that’s okay?

Yap : Ya ya, sure, anyway, I recommended you the wrong guy to go to, he takes too long.

SWEET!!! AWESOME! ROCKING!!!

Ahem.I’m even surprised he loaned me a car, seeing as how I got into an accident and how sad looking Kangoo became.

So I picked up the car, and drove to work. Soon, after much twiddling with the air-conditioning controls, I realised : fuck me sideways. This tin can vehicle has no air-conditioning. FUCK! Driving in Malaysia in a car that’s not tinted with no air-conditioning is akin to crawling into a toaster to repeatedly grill yourself. Grill, mind you, not roast or bake. GRILL. Why grilling? Yes it’s hot, but it’s hot enough to fry your skin yet mislead you into thinking “Oh I ain’t dehydrating / dessicating” until it’s too damn late.

After dinner with Kel, I complained to him how my car has no air-conditioning. But nevertheless, I was happy enough to be driving around, cause that means I can go for early morning Yoga without having to risk stealing my mum’s car and dicing it. Till he watched me as I was about to drive off … :

K* : Er, did you just say the AC doesn’t work?

M* : Yeah, and I’m being grilled to death.

K* : pushes a button on the dashboard … THAT’S CAUSE YOU DIDN’T TURN THE AC ON!

M* : 😀

*forehead palm.

GOD I feel so blonde now. And you know what’s the most ironic thing?

I write for a Japanese car brand.

M*

The First Time Joanne Diandra Uses an Emoticon

The MAMA-SAN herself uses an emoticon! zomg! Must show everyone!

Meignisium* Melts says:
jior so slut

JoanneDiandra says:
ya
JoanneDiandra says:
i know
JoanneDiandra says:
-_-
JoanneDiandra says:
lol

M*

Not the Only Blonde

Dearest Junaidi si Hensem,

I am not the only blonde! Christine Ho is one too!

wacky ol’ ChR|st|nE! says:
i’ve had major epic fails too

wacky ol’ ChR|st|nE! says:
actually.. i also thought it had stripes

Le HAH!

M*

Congrad-wedding-lations!

Heartiest congratulations to my dearest and most loved sister, Tania Melissa Ai Wei Ang, for she is officially engaged!

I unfortunately do not have any embarassing photos of you [but I DO have a video… which will be shown to all at your wedding. Ha ha ha!]

Lots of love and congratulations [and when’s the baby coming?]

M*

WTF-us Maximus

I think I’m extremely ignorant when it comes to cars and its decos. I mean, it’s monumental enough to learn the difference between a 3,5 and 7 series, but this just takes the cake.

Please refer to Biker Extraordinare / Detailer Supreme Junaidi’s blog.

FAIL. EPIC.DISASTER.

In other news, a boy becomes a dad. At 13 years old.

All together now : WTF!

I’d never thought a boy at 13 could’ve fathered a kid, but mind you, he was TWELVE when he fathered the kid. TWELVE! That’s the age gap between some siblings!

And get this. The girl he knocked up? Is 15. FIFTEEN. OH GOD this sounds like a cradle-snatching case.

Doesn’t she look like a paedo to you?

Image courtesy of The Sun

Image courtesy of The Sun

Oh GOD he’s just a kid! Having a kid! For the full story, click here.

What’s the world coming to?

M*