For as long as I have been practicing Bikram Yoga, I’ve always tried to practice on FLOW days. In case you’re ignorant or I’m being too polite [HAR HAR!], I’m talking about practicing Bikram Yoga when I’m having my period / menstruating / getting rid of that unused uteral layer which means that I’m not a mother yet again. YAY!
I know there are some Yoginis who won’t practice [Bikram, or any other type of Yoga] at all during menstruation on the basis that it’s bad. Well, Bikram Yoga has no inverted postures [scary headstands, or any other posture where your uterus will be up above your head], it’s safe to practice I reckon, plus it helps get rid of cramps.
On a slight diversion, I used to practice wearing pads but since it’s so cumbersome and unhygenic [really, would you want sweat and blood collecting on your pad in a humid room and spreading the smell and love to other people, especially those with a keen sense of smell such as myself?], I have taken to wearing tampons. Yes, I used to hate wearing them with a vengence but I now am a convert of tampons after learning how to insert it properly. If you must really know, I just did not push it up high enough, which resulted in me walking around in a stilted manner like I have a giant Italian salami tucked between my legs.
So Saturday I went for an evening class with Jun. Yes, I managed to drag the boy to another class [I bribed him, really]. BEARING in mind that Saturday was the Second Day of Bleed. Oh well, I thought, since the flow ain’t that heavy, I’ll just use a MINI tampon!
It was during the end of the standing series that I noticed my tampon string was hanging out of my shorts. Hmm, that’s odd, I thought. It’s NEVER happened to me before! Then came Locust Pose [Salabhasana], that I felt a dreaded plop. I looked down onto my white towel [we all have to line our yoga mats with towels for hygiene and safety reasons].
It had a red stain on it. ARGH!
Fuck me sideways, my MINI tampon was not absorbant enough and I’ve leaked onto my towel! SHITTY SHITTY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Screw what they said about Yoga being mentally calming and shit like that, THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY!
After the second set, I grabbed my towel and waltzed out of the room. For the very first time in 1 year, Mei Ng aka Crazy Yoga Chick had to make a swift exit out of the hot room. WHAT BLASPHEMY. It’d be akin to me telling you “No, Michael Jackson was really born a white dude”.
Making my exit as quietly as possible [I actually tripped over a water bottle on the way out, heh], I slammed the door shut behind me before realising : FUCK, I’ve left my locker key on the mat. SHITTY SHITTY FUCK FUCK SHIT. I was then left lounging outside the room for the next 15 minutes [once you get out, you can’t get back in. It’s rude and it disturbs the class energy].
Needless to say, when everyone came out of class and asked me “What happened? Did you puke?” [Er, I haven’t actually had the privilege to hurl out the contents of my stomach toxins], I had 2 options :
1. Tell everyone yes, I went to hurl because I had 6 pints of Guinness and half a bottle of whine wine last night
2. Tell everyone the truth : My tampon leaked and I bled onto my white towel.
Naturally, I chose option 2. Hey, I don’t want to be remembered as Mei, Crazy Drunk Hungover Yogini.
And the night before, I got my period just 3 minutes before class started. BRILLIANT.
How’d I know? Disgusting story, really.
With my keen sense of smell, I detected the faint smell of BLOOD hovering around my mat, so I went to the toilet and BEHOLD, MENSTRUAL BLOOD! Argh argh argh had to run downstairs and shove my emergency tampon up before I could take class. ARGH.
Yeah, that’s all the disgusting stories I have for now. Stay tuned for the next installment.
p.s : I wonder if Jun will come back for a 3rd class…