Breathe? I CAN’T.
Ahhh, nothing like a head the size of a melon to kick start the day. Like an overipe melon, my head felt like my brain cells – all 5 of it – were melting, crubmling and smashed from the inside. Every single sight, sound and touch were metal stakes diving into my head, 3 at a time.
“Mei, have some noodles from that organic vegetarian shop” = smash smash smash Can you take my head out please?
“Mei, can you feed Bella please?” = smash crash blam While you’re at it can you just gouge my eyes out and stick skewers in my ears?
Do not get me started on the 20 odd kids in the daycare centre near where I live. Or the morning line-dancing group. Or the neighbour pounding garlic in the pestle and mortar.
To put it mildly, it felt like I had exactly 3 pints of Guinness, 2 shots of tequila, 4 double-shot whiskeys topped off with a greasy big breakfast. Not just an ordinary hangover, but the Mother of All Fucking Hangovers aka “I swear I won’t drink anymore”. But I didn’t!
Had to run off grocery shopping. If you think having a headache is bad enough, try being caught on camera looking like a bear that just came out of hibernation, holding 3 boxes of tampons and a bottle of shampoo. The bear really needed the tampons and shampoo! Damn those press junkets, with overly made-up models and the business director sfrom Australia and France wearing ill-fitting suits and a fake smile to boot.
If you think “Oh wow, that sucks”, I hope as hell that I wasn’t captured on national TV. Cause that would just be the definition of SUCKBALLS.
I cheered myself up by looking at all the fresh produce “Oooh with this I can possibly have homemade sundried tomatoes …” / “ICE CREAM!” / “I can has that pottle of yoghurt pliz?”
While at the checkout, I saw a mum and her 3 children [twins + 2 year old girl]. Oh how cuuuuuteeee, I thought! With their blonde-brown hair, huuuuge eyes and cute little angelic smiles. By this time my headache was wearing off It must’ve been the free ice cream. I could feel the maternal instincts raging [I AM afterall, holding 3 boxes of tampons, just to remind you], thinking “I wonder what my kids will look like…”. One of the twin boys spotted a box of condoms that happened to be a very.. interesting red in colour and piped up, “MUMMY, WHAT’S THAT?” in that piercing, kid voice that ultimately meant “Hotdamn, I wanna have it!”.
Mum : No boy, you can’t have it.
Kid : But mummy what’s that, I wanna knowwwwww.
Mum : It’s not for kids. Shush!
Kid 1,2 : Why why why?
At this point all maternal instincts were flushed out of my system, my tubes tied itself and I thanked GOD that I buy it for reasons other than to make the kids shut up.
I have declared today an off day from Bikram. There’s nothing quite like watching Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin light up my screen, all 12 inches of it. Yes, I have been suckered into watching TrueBlood. [pun not intended].
p.s : The haze is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. *cough.