No it’s not a typo. I just felt like speaking in lolspeak, which I suspect is a major contributor to the detoriation of my English. Bah humbug.
I suspect my mum is orchestrating a mini intervention. After countless months of attempting to make me gain weight, from the subtle adding olive oil into rice to the outlandish “I scooped 3 bowls of rice for you! MUST EAT!”, she has decided to take the soft and silent approach – overcooking. Yesterday saw the remains of 2 brinjals, 2 courgettes, 2 capsicums and a whole box of cherry tomatoes that were pan grilled. Today was a whole tray of lasagna, VEGGIE lasagna. A huge proper tray of Mama mia, che stai facendo? lasagna. With bechamel sauce. And courgettes. And shumeiji mushrooms. And capsicums. wee! I am now even more convinced that my mum was an Italian in her past life.
My dad on the other hand, got me a gigantic tub of AWESOME WHEY! It is so awesome, it gives me The Stinky Runs. Not just ordinary runs, but The Stinky Runs that smell so damn bad, it’s a wonder I’m still alive boring you with my diatribe.I stopped taking it after a week, as I don’t think breathing through my mouth [YUCK] or ducking in and out of the toilet every 30 seconds will help my cause.
In fact, my Shakti shorts could’ve just easily slipped off my ass during class. Thank goodness for side strings, I thought as I tied it so tight, I could practically cut off blood circulation to my legs. The secret to fair, smooth, white legs that have a pallor of death is cutting off blood circulation.
They say that a continuous practice of Bikram Yoga will cause your body to return to its equilibrium, or natural state. If you’re too skinny, you’ll gain weight. If you’re too bulky, you’ll lose weight. So on, and so forth. I guess right now’s the time for my body to begin its healing and rejuvenation process. The one big difference I’ve noticed so far in close to 40 days of practice [Just cause I lost count,doesn’t mean I’ll stop going!] is that I seem taller and have begun walking with better posture. After walking around with a hunch for the past 12 years [I blame Malaysian schoolbags for this. Once my bag was so heavy thanks to 8 textbooks, I fell over backwards like a giant overturned turtle and was struggling to stand upright. In the bus. True story, I shit you not], I can safely say now that I project an aura of confidence, even on the days when I feel like a bear out of hibernation. Hmm, a confident bear out of hibernation?
In the meanwhile, as I enjoy the changes that my body is undergoing, I’ll just sit back and eat whatever the parental units choose to force upon me and be thankful that I am at least, fed. Someone’s gotta feed the starving writer.
p.s : Meant to do doubles today, but I STUPIDLY STUPIDLY set my alarm for 0315 and not 1515. *slaps self silly. And so I trot off to indulge in food that I suspect has cannabis added to it – it’s so addictive, it’s not funny – Banana leaf rice! Double wee!