A few members of the male species at the local yoga studio really got my beef today. ROAR!
It is a known and acceptable fact that women who practice hot yoga or Bikram Yoga wear itty bitty shorts and a tank top/ bra top. No, this is not to show off our marvelously flat belly or curvaceous body. This is because yes, it is hot, and it will only get hotter in class, so obviously you don’t want getting cotton soaked through and through only to weigh 2tonnes by tadasana [yes, I sweat THAT much!].
There was a first-timer who joined the class. Before class he was literally oogling at the females who were wearing bra tops and shorts / 3/4 pants. Could literally see his tongue hanging out of his mouth and if you were to listen carefully, he was panting like a dog in heat. After the final savasana, my mum caught him staring at my friend [who was wearing her cute Shakti shorts]’s pubic area. Mum gave him the evils [you can’t exactly yell “FUCKING PERVERT!” while other people are relaxing] before he got the hint and dragged his perverted self out the door.
The next day, he came to class again, only this time, during final savasana, as I did a half spine twist on the floor [love doing this to crack my lower back], I caught him checking ME out. I gave him the mother of all evils before he slowly turned away like a cat caught stealing the jug of cream and sauntered out the room. Fucking pervert.
Not to mention a few males who were SO OBVIOUSLY staring at women’s chests / ass during certain postures. To these males, I say :
Get a life. You come to Bikram Yoga to improve your health, not check out other nubile bodies. We females know how to avoid wardrobe malfunctions, so if you’re hoping for a nipple slip, you’d best be taking off your own shirt and looking at your own nipples. While you’re at it, why not you twiddle them left and right and twist it off to do us all a favour. If you’re looking for a little camel toe action, rejoice, for there may be some. However, if you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of a cunt flap / vajayjay lip dropping out of our shorts, I’m sorry, Shaktis are pretty good in helping us ladies preserve our modesty. If seeing sweaty bodies bend and twist on a journey of health and self discovery turns you on, you’d be better off watching the Discovery channel because more sex happens there. Maybe a few scenes of rhinos mating in the savannah ought to be more interesting, with the added advantage of you being able to masturbate in the comforts of your own home.
Maybe you ought to bring your spouse / girlfriend to Bikram Yoga so you may be able to perve and fantasise all you want using her body as your source of inspiration. If you are single and trying to pick up the ladies after all your perving, you can forget about it, because we can most certainly smell your lecherous ways a mile away.