Monthly Archives: July 2009

Hello From Singapore!

Why hello there.

Just a short update about my journey while I await my host Foo to wake up from his slumber. We [that is, myself, Foo and Despederata] are heading off to Geylang Road [Singapore’s red light district, and FYI, prostitution is LEGAL in this part of the city]. to sample what is, according to Foo, a delicacy : Frog Leg Porridge.

Ribbit!

Apparently it tastes like chicken [or so I’ve been told], but I sure hope that I won’t start ribbit-ing in class tomorrow. Speaking of which, I will attempt to wake up at 830 and head off to Pacific Plaza to practice Bikram Yoga. Woo hoo! Foo asked : Who the heck brings 3 towels and forgets about a shower towel?!

Oh, since it won’t be a “Mei” day without the following happening to me :

1. Being called a MISTER at Singapore Immigration. Yeah, I know, I’ve joked about being mistaken for a boy / tranny thanks to my pixie crop and flat chest, but I NEVER expected to be addressed as “MISTER Ng Mei” at immigration. When I’m wearing a black tank top. And a bra. And my passport says FEMALE. *forehead palm

2. “So, going to Singapore for 4 days?” asked the bus conductor guy [who I happen to think is quite cute, as per my tweet]. I said yes. He asked “So you’re 27,28?”. I shot him a look of death – the best a 28 year old MISTER can – and replied “Twenty FOUR”.

Ok, time to go 😀

M*

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Random Photoblog

Only because I want to visually assault y’all with meaningless photos that I took in an attempt to be artsy. Oh, and also to show what my half-assed attempt at a backbend / dandayama dhanurasana is.

Kids, do not try this at home!

Posh Bella

Posh Bella

Could’ve photoshopped the photo to make it look more vibrant, but I’m lazy enough as it is.

Edward & The Fishies

Edward & The Fishies

That’s little Edward all fattened up, staring at the fishes that I scooped up at a local market for RM3 [catch as MANY as you want, but I caught 5 😦 ]

Bella's Savasana

Bella's Savasana

Dana said that Bella’s previous Savasana lacked proper form and technique. Talked to Bella about it and taught her the *RIGHT* way to do a savasana, and this is what she came up with.

Backbend

Backbend

If you see me doing this in class, smack me because this is actually a half-assed attempt by yours truly to do a backbend. I can actually go deeper than that, depending on my mood and how sore my back feels, of course. Need. to. work. on. getting. hands. back. to. ears. AND bending backwards even more. Yes, this was taken ages ago, when I had longer hair.

Dandayama Dhanurasana

Dandayama Dhanurasana

See, this is why you wear Shaktis [no gaping holes!]. Need to build strength in this posture, and working to get my upper body down more and hold the posture for 30 seconds! Yes, let’s start with 30seconds, then 1 minute, aiite?

There. 5 pictures. I think I’m done for the day. Z

M*

Bowing In

Ah, back after a day hiatus thanks to shitty 3rd-world like connection.

Up yours, streamyx.

Ahem.

Think I just made a breakthrough during floor bow, dhanurasana. Now, this posture, I have had a nasty habit of coming out early [my back hurts, my leg hurts, and why the hell do my legs splay open during floor bow but I can’t seem to get my legs to open up for a pap smear?!], or, losing my grip.

Oh but yesterday, wow, yesterday. I kicked and kicked and kicked and lifted my chest up the floor and oh WOW are those MY toes? My little deformed toes?! [Yes, I’ve got a deformed left toe that I happen to think is quite cute].

Try the right way, and ye shall be rewarded.

In other passing news, told my parents that I am going to Fall Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. Told them I’d be taking out a loan.

Response : You are a total fuck up in life.

Hmmm. Just to spite them, I’d go get pregnant to a married man and have a string of affairs, marry a loan shark and sell metamphetmines to supplement my very own syabu habit.

Yes, I think I’ll do just that if they want a real fuck up.

</end personal rant>

IN OTHER HAPPIER NEWS :

Rajashree is on twitter, and you can follow her handle @yoga_rajashree . For those of you who are not on twitter, I strongly urge you to join our little Bikram Yoga community on twitter [that’s how I met awesome folks such as McKinley and BikramIsHot !].

Righty ho, time to stop feeling like a total failure / disaster in life. Onward ho to class!

M*

My Favourites

These are my 2 most favourite Yasmin Ahmad ads. OK fine, they’re about 2 minutes long each, so rightfully so they’re a mini mini movie. Luckily the client [Petronas] has enough budget for airtime, can you imagine how much it’d cost to air these commercials during holidays on TV?! Actually, I do know the rough estimate, eeks!

A little cultural background about this commercial for my non Malaysian friends : With the Chinese, it’s ALWAYS “keeping up with the Joneses” in terms of their children’s education. Ie : I must one UP my friends and send my kid to MORE tuition classes, MORE extra-curricular activities, MORE this, MORE that. My son/daughter got SEVEN A’s, EIGHT A’s, TEN A’s in the recent examinations [I know, it’s mind boggling, but we have up to TEN compulsory subjects in high school, gag]. So when the kids are grown up and working, it’s “My son’s an engineer earing 5 figures a month”, “My daughter’s a doctor earning 5 figures per operation”, etc.

M*

p.s : No class for today. Still a little depressed and upset. Will do a double tomorrow.

In Memoriam

This entry is dedicated to Yasmin Ahmad.

She was not just a copywriter. She was a storyteller. After a stellar career in Leo Burnett Advertising, Malaysia, she came out to do what she loves and does best : filmmaking.

Many of you may not be familiar with her commercials and work, so here’s a smattering of samples that are floating around youtube. Her work speaks the truth that we Malaysians cannot say out loud [not only for fear of ISA, but because we are either too damn polite or we are just so je ne sais quoi], that we all need to look beyond our rac and treat each others as human beings.

Click to enjoy, and please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Here’s a very lovely and touching commercial that Ms. Ahmad did for the Singaporean “Think Family” organisation. </sarcasm on> Where the esteemed censor men  in our very respected censor department could not recognise, our silly Southern neighbour did. </sarcasm off>

The trailer to “Sepet” [loose translation : slitty eyes].Can you believe that our </sarcasm on> dear esteemed censorship board </sarcasm off> made her cut a few scenes out, notably a scene where a Malay girl enters a Chinese foodshop? Just cause you know, a Malay walking into a place that sells pork is rather.. scandalous and could really seriously damage our morals and influence Muslims to eat pork. Hmm. On the flipside, I don’t eat beef due to religion, and have walked / ate in places that sell beef [hello, Mickey D’s!] and I have yet to succumb.

“Muallaf” [The Convert] trailer. Not shown in Malaysia cause it’d be horribly mangled, so our lovely Southern neighbours got lucky. Methinks Foo even went to the premiere and took a picture with the esteemed Ms. Ahmad herself. *scratches head trynna remember exact post

To watch more of her movies, just youtube.com search Yasmin Ahmad.

Tis a dark and hollow time for us right now. Instead of progressing, it seems to me that we are regressing.

M*

Sin City

Herrmmm.

As I read up more about the lovely state of Las Vegas, Nevada, I am starting to get worried about what to pack, especially so since I intend on travelling the USA for a bit [and hopefully get to visit some of the lovely yogi/nis!].

Tell me, enlighthen me : How the heck does someone pack for weather that wavers between 81ºF – 31ºF  (that’s 27ºC – 3ºC) ?! And that’s ONLY in Las Vegas! eeeep!

The next person who says : Oh you’ve lived in New Zealand, you should be used to winter colds by now – will get 4 minutes of Awkward Part 2. I lived in Auckland, the “winter” was a rainy, cold dreary season. Consider yourself lucky if your brolly doesn’t get turned inside out during the whole of winter. And I simply – for some unknown reason – can’t stand the cold. I remember going skiing once with a few friends, and as I stepped in the crunchy snow told Jo “Fuck, I am going to get frostbite, heading back indoors”. She laughed and said “Woman, your feet are in fur-lined suede boots.  To get frostbite your feet needs to be bare and in minus 10 degree centrigrade temp!” before hauling me back to the snow. She was right, I never got frostbite, but I swore to put heating gel pads down my boots if I were to step in the snow ever again.

Argh. Now to dig up my old winter clothes that I brought back to Malaysia. Yes, I am a freak. I thought I’d settle back here permanently, but it seems that I have miles to go before I even settle down. So the next person who asks “Oh, when are you getting married?” will be asked to donate to the “Marry Mei Off To Someone Rich & Famous” fund, since they’re wanting an excuse to come out and party.

M*

Singapore!

So because a friend of mine went down to Singapore and practiced in the True Fitness Bikram Yoga studio, I thought to myself “Hey, I think I *should* do that too”, ya know, just to get a feel of different energy and experience other teacher’s style of teaching.

Hence : I AM GOING TO SINGAPORE, BABY! YEAH!

Or at least, planning. Ahem.

Currently aiming for 31st July – 3rd August [yes, next week!!!!], and of course, I am bussing to and fro for convenience’s sake [though I reckon catching a flight there is around the same price, no?]. And no, I’m NOT going to catch a bus from Pudu as it’s too far! *sideway glance at Foo. 😛

Will be staying with Foo, and I hope he doesn’t mind me bringing sweaty Shaktis in and out of his room. Though this reminds me, now’s a good opportunity to drag him to Bikram Yoga with Despederata. Heh heh heh. 😀

A side note : Foo and I have been friends for over a decade [right, right?]. After I moved to New Zealand, we lost contact and by a stroke of serendipity, we met again at the hospital as we were both collecting documentation for insurance purposes -_- [I had a lump named Murphy removed, he had a health issue]

I foresee geek talks, wisecracking jokes and gossiping sessions up to 3am in the morning >.<

Aaaaaah so many people to meet up [actually, only Despederata and Adam]. So little time. AAAAAAH!

M*

p.s : Bikram Yoga City Hall is mighty expensive. *rollover, die.

About Bloody Time

GAH!

As it’s the time of the month, it’s cramps galore [and no, somehow Bikram Yoga hasn’t helped much with my cramps, but if it’s cutting it from twice a month to once a month then I am a happy camper] and this time of the month usually strikes fear in my little heart as I’d be constantly checking my towel or legs just in case I er, leak.

You have NO IDEA how scared I am when sweat starts trickling down my thighs onto the towel. Is it blood?! I think and quickly check the mirror. Yes, it’s bad for the concentration, but I don’t think the people around me appreciate a hardcore person practicing with blood dripping down the legs, especially if it’s uh, menstrual blood. The clumpy kind.

And just when I thought it’s safe to wear a pad [since I am cramping, I don’t fancy shoving anything else up my cervix. And by the way, my cramps feel like contractions, so I am ALL PREPARED for natural childbirth, and damn right my husband had better be in the room because I WILL MAKE HIM SUFFER TOO] and a white towel, I leaked on to my towel. Think bright red skid marks as I scooted backwards for janushirasana. ARGH!!!! Thank goodness it was towards the end of class so I hastily used my legs to awkwardly cover the offending stain.

I think I’m better off just tying my tubes off. Heavy bleeding and cramps that actually incapacitate me for half the day are a no go. That and for every time I cramp, God had better be giving a man somewhere extreme testicular pain. *raises tiny ineffectual fist at imaginary male clutching his balls in pain.

M*

p.s : Yeah yeah TMI. Click here to rinse your eyeballs and brain with a Unicorn Chaser.

The Strip

Before anyone gets any ideas, no, I am not stripping to earn cash to send my sad sorry [flat] ass to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.

Who’d pay to see a gaudily-dressed bamboo-stick creature clumsily dry-hump a pole? Actually, don’t answer that. It may very well be someone’s fetish.

What I meant to say is…

Bikram Yoga Teacher Training is moving to Las Vegas, NEVADA.

Whee?

Righty ho. I suppose this is going to be fairly interesting when I’m applying for a visa. I can JUST imagine the scenario at the interview already :

Officer : So, let me get this straight, right. You are applying for a visa, to come to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to learn… YOGA?

M*: YESSIR!

O : Isn’t yoga from India?

M* : Well, the founder’s Indian, but see, he set up shop in California, and the training centre’s in Vegas. Oh but see, it was supposed to be in Palm Springs, but it was moved to Vegas cause he didn’t like the food there. Would you like to have a look at my collection of My Little Ponies or perhaps show you a posture to help with that rather gargantous gut of yours that’s spilling forth from your pants? [I am afterall, rather well known for my lack of ‘filterration’].

O : ….

Plus after the recent bombings at the Ritz Carlton in Jakarta, investigators believe that a Malaysian was the mastermind. Oh great, just, fucking, GREAT. Now half the world  thinks that we’re all terrorists adding to the fact that we’re a Muslim country! However, I would like to assure all my US readers that I am not a terrorist that blows up buildings. No no. That’d be too costly. Plus I’m dyscalculic, so numbers fuck me up big time, “Oooh, 5 minutes *POOF*” [Waitamin, 3, not 5. DOH!]. I am however, a terrorist of LOCKING THE KNEE. I will creep behind unsuspecting people and WHAM, prod their knee and tell them to “LOCK THE FUCKING KNEE OR I’LL CUT YOUR BALLS OFF. I MEAN IT SIR, LOCK THE KNEE OR I’M HOLDING YOU HERE FOR 2 MINUTES”.

Ahem. *clears throat

Adding to the fact that since it WILL be my first trip to the States [Only ever been to Europe, New Zealand and almost all the countries in Southeast Asia], I know NOTHING about Las Vegas. Oh wait, I do, courtesy of Gil Grissom! Don’t know who I’m talking about?

I know that in Las Vegas, it takes police approximately 55 minutes to solve a murder and that people who work in crime labs are ridiculously good looking :

All that beauty just cannot hide behind a mask. Though I wouldn’t mind giving Gil a lesson or 2 on how to LOCK THE KNEE. 😉

M*

p.s : Did I just conclude a Bikram post with CSI annotations? I am so, so, so, weird when it’s 1.23am.

Quick Update : Edward

Hmm. So I have yet to find a home for him. And my mum is pestering me to kick him out. It’s obvious my mum doesn’t like him, cause she lets Bella jump up on the couch and Edward gets a smack if he even dares. But he’s smart and will only jump up when I’m around. Heh heh heh.

Edward is an active [HYPERACTIVE!!!!], playful kitty who loves to talk. Whether you’re about to fall asleep, trying to read a book or watching TV, he’ll slink right up next to you and meow until you acknowledge his awesomeness. *nod nod.

He’s alsoa purr-y kitty. Where Bella doesn’t purr that much, even just LOOKING at Edward will elicit the loudest and friendliest of purrs. Once I let him in my room and he bounded on to the bed right up to my head and began purring. This would’ve been fine and dandy, except that I was half asleep. 😦 Oh and once when I was curled up getting ready to fall asleep [I usually sleep on my side, hugging a pillow or curled up like a cooked prawn], Edward curled up against me and fell asleep, PURRING loudly. Ahh, what a nice warm way to end the day.

Anybody wants Edward? 😀

M*