Clap If You Believe In Fairies & The Dialogue!
I did something horrible today. Oh so horrible. A horrendous, horrid, awful terrible thing! I’ve actually run out of synonyms for horrible.
Our very dear Studio Director conducts Posture Clinic [or, MOCK posture clinics I should say] to prepare Melanie and I for TT. It’s basically the same as regular good ol’ Posture Clinic as in Training – you get up and “teach” a few postures to each other. I was told to “Stop moving / fidgeting around” and “Stand six inches apart. It looks more confident. NO NOT TOO WIDE, that’s 1 foot!”[At this point I sniggered and said that I looked more like a cow giving birth].
Memorising the dialogue and mumbling it to yourself is definitely one thing. Getting UP onto the podium and talking it out is another. Where I thought I had the standing series down to pat, it turns out that I didn’t!
In other words you’re trying to touch the ceiling I did not do it verbatim :o( [You see, the dialogue seems to creep into my daily conversation. Eventually, in the future, I will probably be talking in dialogue only. Crap.]
I BUTCHERED Tree pose, awkward pose, oh basically almost every posture in the standing series. Missed out chunks in Standing separate leg stretching [“Hah, students will love you cause you hold the posture for 3 seconds”] and basically mucked up the last paragraph for Eagle pose [“DON’T DO THAT! Your students will call you the asshole teacher. Yes, I’m serious”]
Where the dialogue said “Right leg lift up”, I said “Bring your right leg up”.
“NO!” said Studio Director. “It’s more of a command. Don’t try to turn it into perfect English. FOLLOW the dialogue. It is prescription. FOLLOW THE DIALOGUE!”
Every single time I miss out chunks in the dialogue, a Bikram fairy loses her wings. If her wings are gone, then her limbs are twisted out of proportion.
The moment I start jumbling up the dialogue, a Bikram fairy gets suckerpunched in the face.
When I start adding non-dialogue stuff in it “Exhale breathing, suck your stomach in”[There is no EXHALE BREATHING in Garurasana!], “Flex your foot towards your face” [FLEX foot is in SECOND set, NOT first!], a Bikram fairy gets clothes pegs stuck on her delicate skin. And you know, Bikram fairies are no bigger than clothes pegs!
So please everyone. Please do a little clap and dance if you want to help these fairies out. They’re majorly pissed at me, so I don’t think all my clapping and hopping like a monkey on fire is going to help.
Body down leg up, come down leg up, EVERY MUSCLE CONTRACTED!