Mei’s Guide to Avoiding Hantu Raya*
*Hantu Raya, Festival Ghost, or in this case, police who are on the lookout for extra “income” a month before Aidilfitri.
We all know that the month leading to Hari Raya is often one of the safest months. Safe because there are loads of our friendly and efficient policemen on the lookout for expired road tax [cough cough], overly tinted cars, passengers not buckled up in the backseat and lots more. In other words, they’re looking for some form of duit kopi [bribe].
From the “Oh, I’m a student, can’t afford” excuse to “I’ve been laid off”, many of us Malaysians are very… creative when it comes to looking for an excuse not to get a ticket. Or not to pay the bribe. Really, who would want to feed into this vicious cycle?!
But a friend of mine, Cheryl, shared her most creative excuse to avoid a ticket [courtesy of her sister!]
At a roadblock when the mata-mata [police] pulls her over for talking without a handsfree :
Police : So cik, macam maner nih? Nak saman ke tak mau saman? [How, Miss? Do you want a ticket or not?]
Sis : Oh bang! Maaf! Saya nak balik cepat sebab… saya… SAYA ADA H1N1! [I am sorry sir! I need to go home quick because… because… I HAVE H1N1!]
P : Oi. Betul ke ni. [Are you for real?]
S : YA BETUL! You sentuh I! *points to chin [Yes! Feel my temp!]
P : EH TAMAU. [NO THANK YOU!]
Sis : Tak tipu tuan! You cuba rasa I! [I’m not lying sir! I’m burning up!]
P : Eh. Kalau I sentuh, you nanti sembuh! [Eh. If I touch you, you will be cured!]
S : Takde lah bang! [Oh no way sir!]
*Feels temperature under the chin
P : Eh. Tak demam pun. You tipu I ke! [You’re not having a fever. Are you lying to me?!]
S : Tak! You cuba rasa forehead I! [No I’m not! Feel my forehead!]
P : Eh takpayahlah. Pigi la pigi. [… I don’t think there’s a need to. Just go.]
So remember my Malaysian friends. H1N1. Fever. And wear a mask to look convincing and sniffle a little, will ya?