The First Time I Had to Leave The Room As A Teacher

… with a VERY VALID EXCUSE!

In Bikram Yoga, you are NOT allowed to leave the room unless you have a dire emergency, namely one of the 5 Ps – Pee, Poo, Period, Pregnant, Passout.

If I needed to take a dump, I’ll just hold it until the end of class [and not work as hard during Bow, because I don’t wanna BLOW]

Pee? Hold it in, and serves me right for not emptying my bladder fully.

Pregnant? I’m not right now, neither am I planning to get pregnant.

Passout – OK, I left the room a few times during training but that’s besides the point.

Period. Ah, that dreaded [or not so dreaded for me, because it means I get to spend money on non-baby items for the next 18years AGAIN]time of the month.

As you can tell, I’m one hell of a Bikram Badass Bitch. When I practice, I give my all and literally KILL myself every. single. class. Hip misalignment making it hurt everytime I do Head to Knee? KILL MYSELF!

Backache during backward bending [yes, even after 2 years and a couple of thousand backbends]? KILL MYSELF.

Fall out of Standing Bow everytime I kick harder? Ok I think you get the point.

Last week I took one of Lorrie’s fabulous classes [love her energy, her compassion, her love… she’s not a little Nazi klein like yours truly] and there I was, sweating profusely, killing myself, feeling my ego just die and deflate a little after every little asana. Plus I was having fun kicking major ass when I practice during THAT time of the month [damn you, hormonal changes and stiff body].

So we get to Dandayamana Bibhaktapada Janushirasana [standing seperate leg head to knee]. Tucked my chin to my chest, looked at my stomach, and went to touch my forehead to my knee. And felt a massive pool of sweat drip from my crotch to the floor. [I leave a LAKE after class, no joke for someone my size].

Except it just wasn’t sweat.

It was blood, MIXED with sweat. *ploop
Being the Badass Bikram Bitch that I am, I indulged in a little towel origami and proceeded to do the left side. Yes, I’m a REAL badass!
“Okay, nearly down to Savasana, I’ll just run out, change towels, shove a new tampon up my unholy orifice and just get on with it”
Apparently my unholy orifice had other plans for me.
Turned to the other side, and MORE blood GUSHED [not spewed 😉 ] onto my pristine white towel. Indulged in a little towel origami. By this time my towel started looking like the floor of a slaughterhouse.
But that’s OK! I indulged in MORE towel origami and proceeded to do second set. I AM A BIKRAM BITCH, BABY, YEAH!
By the second set EVEN MORE blood GUSHED out, making my towel look like I just broke water and am about to give birth.
THAT’S IT, I HAVE TO LEAVE.
Took my towel, ran out, grabbed a new tampon and ran downstairs to shove it right up where it belongs. Apparently I er, “misbudgeted” its insertion hence why blood could gush out, but I guess you, my faithful one reader, didn’t have to know that.
I really feel sorry for my 2 guy students standing behind me. Ooops.
M*
p.s : Yes, I came back in during Wind Removing Pose and finished class, with no blood stains.
p.s : In my rush I left my ring in the room, leaving me quite distraught the whole night. Found it the next day in some dingy corner. 😦
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Posted on June 10, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Yes Yes GUSHED. hahaha.

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