The Great Fall
Very dramatic title, but that’s how I roll. Drama!
Sooo, I fell down. On concrete. Whoop de doo!
My problems began on Wednesday right after I fell down. It started getting uncomfortable standing / sitting for long periods. On Thursday my hip / pelvis / groin started swelling. On Friday a great big RASH appeared on the area of swelling, which I attributed to a food allergy, but the damn rash didn’t go away even after I applied anti-rash powder on it religiously like a zealot possessed. On Saturday my hips started clicking when I walk. My femur bone hurts, my lower back hurts, and if I were to push my hips forward my whole leg goes numb. On Sunday I couldn’t even walk, watching Toy Story 3 brought tears to my eyes [in part due to the movie and my damn hip].
I know, I should’ve immediately checked myself in to the Sports Clinic, but I had to teach. Yah, I know, it’s not about me, it’s about my students. In fact, I had some newbies and demonstrating a locked knee and bending forward just pretty much hurt like a bitch on steroids.
That was it. I am going to see a hip doctor. If there ever is such a thing! [Shakira’s Hip’s Don’t Lie is playing in my head now!]
Booked my appointment with the “Hip Specialist”, but as the next slot was at 2:15pm I decided to see an orthopaedic surgeon at the private hospital just 15minutes from where I live.
La di da, booked myself in for a 1040am consultation. So I registered myself, proceeded to get my details in order “WOW you’ve been a patient here since… 1986!” and happily plonked myself in the corner. A few minutes later, the nurse sheepishly tells me that the surgeon is in surgery. WHAT? I booked my appointment and she tells me that the surgeon is in surgery?! Why bother with a booking?! At this point I figured I had better luck getting knocked over by a bullock cart than seeing a surgeon. OK. Chill the fuck out. Out came my feminine wiles [it’s deeply hidden under my macho manly exterior]
M* Uh, so, no possible doctor? I came all the way, and I have been in PAIN since Thursday, please could you get me another doctor? *SMILING through cracked lips
Nurse : Ok Madam [MADAM? WHAT THE EFF? I AM 24 25 24! ROAR!] … do you want to see a Chinese or Indian doctor?
M* : … I. Don’t. Care. Chinese, Indian, Malay, orang putih [Literal : White Man, Caucasian] … I just want to see a doctor. Preferably NOW. I don’t want to come back at 1pm. Please. I’m not fussy. Man, Woman, as long as the person is qualified, I don’t care.
Nurse : *dials away.
HISS. 1Malaysia my ass.
After getting a substitute doctor, hobbled my way down to the 2nd floor… to see… the… Gastroendologist. WTF? Apparently she got the room wrong. Sigh. Hobbled to the next clinic, the ORTHOPAEDIC doctor. Honestly, I didn’t feel bothered one bit, I was just amused! I said my hip hurts and she refers me to a digestion doctor! LOL.
FINALLY, I get to see the doctor. A Dato’ [kinda like a Lord of some sort, we’re absolutely crazy about giving people titles here] Doctor with a bad hair dye job and by bad, I mean, seriously, I know you’re 60+ but please embrace your salt and pepper hair and not resemble a wretched politician at that.
After much prodding and examination [the rash surprised him], off he sent me for an XRay and MRI. WOOO! I get to pretend that I am in an episode of House / Grey’s Anatomy! BRING ON DR. KAREV AND DR. CHASE. Ahem. Except this is real life and there are no hot doctors / radiologists. In fact, I was the YOUNGEST patient in the orthopaedic room. Yes, I even tried LOOKING for a hot doctor or intern. NONE, I TELL YOU, NONE. What? I know I’m sick, but can’t I just amuse myself? :p
Before I got my xray done came the usual barrage of “Are you pregnant / Do you suspect you may be pregnant?” questions. Again, I found it hilarious that the attending had to pull me to one corner and ask me [before he got too embarrassed to continue the line of questioning and got a female nurse to help me out].
Nurse : So you’re single? Not married? And 25?
M* : Yes.
Nurse : Have you had SI before?
M* : What’s SI? You mean, STI?
Nurse : Er, no no, SI … *whisper Sexual Intercourse.
At this point I had to surpress a giggle and a laugh, though I’m sure the attending and nurses thought I was crazy.
Got my xray done [JESUS THE ROOM IS COLD], and since my MRI was scheduled in 2hours’ time, I decided to hobble around the hospital to look for food. And my hobble, I literally mean, HOBBLE. I must say, the curry noodles at SDMC is pretty awesome! Coupled with chocolate milk I was in absolute bliss. Hobbled back to Imaging and waited. And waited. And waited. While watching.. XMEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE !!!! Oooh Hugh Jackman… the only decent looking person I’ve seen the whole day and he came in a small little black box, not exactly the package I was looking for 😉
Did my MRI and slept through the process. If you’ve ever done an MRI, it’s actually quite … noisy. When the magnets are being fired up it sounds and feels like I’m in a pod [woo Dollhouse!] and someone’s banging on plastic bucket repeatedly. When the images are being taken it almost sounds like the middle C, D, F, B note being blanged on repeatedly [in that order].
After my report was done [it was already 3:35pm by then …] I hobbled back up to see the surgeon, who is supposed to leave at 4pm! ROAR! I made it a fast hobble [think Frodo the Hobbit hobbling like his feet became dainty little size 5s] … JUST IN TIME!
Diagnosis : Hematoma [blood clot / bruise] on my groin/pelvis, around the size of my palm. Not a torn ligament / tendon, thank kitties and ponies.
Prescription : Acroxia 120mg [the same stuff they use to manage osteoarthritis / rheumatoid arthritis / gout pain]
Treatment : Rest, don’t aggravate the area, or I’ll have to go for surgery to drain the blood out. YEEECK!!!!
As for now, more rest is in order along with lovely episodes of True Blood and Dollhouse [OK OK I’ll get a book to read!].
I guess this had to happen before I knew how to take a fucking chillpill the size of China and… REST. 😉
My return to the hot room should prove interesting, disgusting foul medication aside.