Since I am UNABLE to tell anyone just what a kerfuffle I got myself into on Sunday… allow me to attempt to amuse you with what happened TODAY.
I am just so SICK and FED UP of being involved in accidents. Of ALL the accidents that happened to me, it ALWAYS ends up with people knocking into my poor little old car. Dear Universe, when I was asking to be knocked up to satisfy my maternal yearnings, this was NOT what I wanted! *huff.
Went down to my local car dealer to check out prices and models of cars. Ah, a happy zippy and spacious SUV! AHA, I thought, this could be IT! This could be LOVE! I sung to myself happily.
Got in the car. Checked it out. Asked the salesperson the toughies questions. Played around the boot. WOO USB and Bluetooth port! OK FOCUS. WOO hello sexy cup holders. OK FOCUS. Woo hello space!
In short : It’s a start. And I can already see me in it.
Salesperson : OK Miss Mei. So let us book the right time for you, because I am sure you would want to bring your husband here to test drive the car too …
To which I suddenly went so high-pitched, Lassie would’ve died.
Me : OH! Er. Well! No husband! No! I’m not married! Only me and myself! And my cats! No kids!
Salesperson : So sorry Miss Mei.
Fine. Apology accepted. Moving on. Hmm. Maybe the SUV is TOO family-like… I thought. Though I could really really do with a spacious boot [to dump the bodies of all the useless jerks who made me invest feelings in them before I find out that they’re attached…. BUT THAT’S FOR ANOTHER DAY!] ….
And then I saw her. The coupe.
The SEXY SEXY coupe.
Sure she has a long and wide ass. Sure it’s a 2+ 3 anorexic model seater …. SURE it’s a mid-life crisis car… BUT HOT DAMN I LOVE HER.
THE LINES. The sleek body. OH THE LINES.
I formed driving plans in my head. I will drive down to Singapore at 1am, banging this baby at 160km/h … and drive up north…. maybe up and down some winding roads to get a good feel of her …
If I sound like a man salivating and dreaming of sex with Natalie Portman, you are probably right.
I got into the driver’s seat. Felt the leather encase me. At once, I couldn’t wait to see how she’d handle me slapping her wet and wild on the roads up to Genting.
Again, sorry. I sometimes think I am a man stuck in the body of a girl.
As I was forming great driving plans … the other sales assistant slid up to me :
Salesperson 2 : So, no kids?
Me : NO. NO KIDS. NOT MARRIED. NO NO NO. *Whiiiineeeee Lassie pitch WHIIINEEEEEEEE
Salesperson 2 : So you’re not married? Why not?
Me : Uhm. Because I scare all the men away? [someone said I should’ve answered “Because I killed my last husband”] …. OH LOOK THIS IS MY MIDLIFE CRISIS CAR ALTHOUGH I HAVE YET TO HIT 30 OH WHAT COLOUR DOES THIS COME IN WOW SO PRETTY WEE
I think I got a little too loud and over-defensive that the first salesguy said I can come back and test drive the coupe. WITH NO OBLIGATIONS.
I am a happy girl indeedy.
And I still don’t get why a single lady can’t just waltz into a car dealership to buy her own car? Tsk.