The Simplicity of Repetition

A lot of times people, especially students and those new to Bikram Yoga ask me, “Are you ever BORED of doing the same TWENTY-SIX postures, day in, day out?”

 

And the answer is “No!”. I do have lots to work on [HELLO upper body strength] and as every one else says, every single class you attend is a challenge. It is different. The dialogue is the same, but the personality of the teacher comes through and you are then either a struggling whimpering mess or a strong champion.

 

But as always, Bikram has his motives for REPEATING the same asanas [postures]. Sure, it all has the benefits [and 1 posture leading to the next], but consider this :

 

Shaolin monks who practice kung-fu [and I am not making this up!] get up at the crack of dawn and after their meal / prayers, proceed to PRACTICE kung fu the whole day. My theory is that repeating the same movements / moves [I guess you can’t really call it a posture, can you?] to help cultivate GOOD muscle memory! Ergo, when your teacher tells you to PICK UP YOUR FOOT and attempt Standing Head to Knee or Standing Bow again, you damn well had better pick it up if you want to improve. However, if you don’t, you can just be lazy, stand there, look around, and then after class bombard your teacher with “I’ve been coming for TWO years and my Standing Bow looks the same! I want to look like Brandy Lyn!” πŸ˜‰

 

A little more on Shaolin Monks, courtesy of National Geographic [and YouTube πŸ˜‰ ]

 

 

 

So the example above was using Qi Gong. But what was INTERESTING was the concept of CHI [Qi?] or ENERGY. Every. Single. Movement you do CREATES energy! So it is VITAL to MOVE TOGETHER in class and MOVE with CONVICTION and not just flop your arms around like a dying squid.

 

——-

 

In other words, yep, this badass Bikram bitch is back. I have recently ended a 4-year relationship, so obviously I did not feel the mood to blog as much. Sorry! However, I find it hilarious that when people find out they expect my ex and I to be at each others’ throats or avoiding each other like the seasonal bubonic plague of death. Uhm, hello. We are both mature adults and this isn’t freaking high school. But what makes it awkward are people staring at us expecting some sort of throw down, hence I feel so awkward for them that I just skedadle out of the scene like a rat on fire [and proceed to hide from THEM, not my ex!].

 

 

Remember folks, either you let life break you, or you can be fabulous and not care about those who choose to gossip-monger and create unnecessary drama.

 

 

 

M*

 

 

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Fast, Food, Furious.

It all started with an invite from YTL Communications to head up to The Great North [Penang] to test the speed of Yes 4G.

And eat and eat and eat until I resemble a spider [Imagine if you will, small tiny limbs protruding out of a creature with a huge, ballooned abdomen].

Yes, by YTL Communications, is Malaysia’s first 4G network provider that promises speeds 3-5x better than 3G. I will be honest : When YES first launched I was skeptical : FASTER than 3G, really? But the infrastructure in Malaysia is SO CRAP, 3G speeds are more like GPRS speeds and because of the lack of towers, it REALLY REALLY drains battery life on your Smart Phone. As proof, I subscribed to the local 3G services while in New Zealand and Singapore and was pleasantly surprised with the speed. Obviously when I came back home I would be stabbing myself to death with a teaspoon trying to await my twitter feed to load or an email to download. C’mon c’mon I wanna watch Joseph Encinia’s ROCKING USA Nationals routine!!!

OH, and did I add – When working mobile-ly, I’d have to offer libations of Guinness and promise to do 25 Backward Bends [ugh!] to the Gods of WiFi that the connection is stable and fast. NOOOO not the spinning loading wheel of death NOOOOO!

And so for the most part, I’ve put up the very slow, inconsistent speeds of Streamyx and my mobile 3G internet provider. Enough is enough.

With the entry of Yes into the mobile broadband market, they have shaken up the game plan. High speeds? Yes please! Pay for only what you use? Yes please! Because why would you pay for “unlimited usage” when you get substandard service? πŸ˜‰ Get this : Yes has also graciously covered the ENTIRE North-South highway so you can REALLY stay connected!

Ok enough talky-talky. More looky-looky!

speaking”]Tan Sri Dato Dr Francis Yeoh strikes me as a humble and nice person. πŸ™‚

 

CEO of YTL Communications, Wing K Lee

CEO of YTL Communications, Wing K Lee. Super nice. Saw me wandering around the lobby looking lost and lonely [or rather, like a destitute prostitute at 8am on a Saturday] and said Β HI to me.

*Pictures above courtesy of Ee Ping.

OK OK. Enough pictures of dashing men in suits. Time for what you have been waiting for … THE FEAST.

And our first stop was at … Bidor! Our little convey [consisting of the lovely Arystle, charming Kelly and ever-heart-attack-ready James] practically wept in joy upon seeing the sign. Yes, we were starving. But of course, I took the opportunity to TEST out my little device called Huddle. Though of course, nothing that involves me is without blonde ambition :

“Hey. How do I turn my huddle on?”

– Is your battery in?

“How do I put the battery in?” πŸ˜€

Oh the withering look I got from the client. πŸ˜€

Average speeds BEFORE stopping at Bidor were :

3.16mbps download / 1.42mbps upload

5.83mbps download / 2.44 mbps upload.

PROOF :

Speed Test before Bidor.

Hmm. So far, so good. This meant streaming Joseph Encinia’s WINNING routine WITHOUT interruption, WITHOUT intermission.

FIRST STOP : Bidor Curry House.

Al your banana leaves go here.

And we savoured …

Banana Leaf Rice

This, my friends, is what addiction looks like. For my international friends / great big yoga family, it’s rice on banana leaf topped with curry [fish or chicken, your choice, or both! πŸ˜€ ] or dhall, and with a papadom [fried cracker, shown on left], and 3 types of veggies. You may opt to add on side dishes such as lamb, mutton, fried fish / chicken etc. As to why there are NO pictures of it? Well, I was too busy wolfing the food down.

After rolling around… James of YTL apparates out of no where and brought back ….

Bidor Duck Noodles

Ladies and gentlemen! Please note that this is the INCORRECT way of eating Duck Noodles. Arystle and I were SO EXCITED with the prospect of MORE FOOD that we greedily put the soup and the noodles in the same bowl, when it should have been separated out. Ah well, no worries.

The CORRECT way to eat Bidor Duck Noodles : Soup in 1 bowl, noodles on the side. πŸ˜€

Remember folks, 99% right = 100% wrong πŸ˜‰

Next stop : IPOH!

Land of tin, pretty girls and salt baked chicken [amongst other things]. There is no picture of the salt baked chicken that we got, however, there is a picture of me devouring said food :

Yoga hulk hungry.

And this is a bunch of KL-ites trying to haphazardly cross a road in Ipoh :

Photobombed by Ee Ping

NEXT UP : It was our group’s turn to get into the Sprinter [affectionately known as Vomit Car as the driver was CRAZY].

Arystle, Myself, Kelly and Yoga in the Sprinter.

Now this was NO ordinary van as it was decked out with ports to charge your paraphernalia and get this, equipped with a YES Zoom! It’s a unit mainly used for homes, plus you can just hook up a regular telephone line and wa-la, instant phone access!

Pause …

Going through a rough patch. I am stalking, but will be right back.

Happy Chinese New Year!

May the year of the Metal Rabbit be fruitful and happy to all. Heh. Heh. Heh.

 

Here’s a Petronas commercial that tugs at heartstrings. I’m glad Leo Burnett has finally done justice to Yasmin Ahmad’s great vision [without being too try-hard or corny]

 

 

GUEST STAR : John Low‘s father-in-law is the first old man featured [the one with the walking cane]!

 

Enjoy … with a box of tissues πŸ˜€

 

M*

 

 

I HATE Bikram Yoga

I really do.

I freaking hate it. Hate it to my guts, hate it from the tip of my hairs to the ends of my toe nails. Hate it from my sciatic nerve back up all the way to my optical nerve. AH THE NERVE.

 

 

I sweat too much, my sweat stings my eyes, and for some reason I get crusty eyes the next morning after class.

 

The teachers talk too much [HA!], they shout and scream at you to lock the freaking knee “LOCK THE KNEE, LOCK THE KNEE, LOCK THE KNEE!” and they never seem to be able to SHUT the HELL UP and yet seem so happy clappy out of class. BAH.

 

The men sweat too much, they fling their horrid sweat on me, and some males don’t know the meaning of Laundry Day.

 

My back hurts during backbends, my back hurts during forward bends, my back is FUCKING killing me.

 

It is DIFFICULT, it is SO DAMN HOT and it PISSES me off.

 

 

But yet like a cracked up whore I still keep going back and I became a teacher.

 

Because it is difficult, because it pisses me off, because it is hot, because the teachers push me, because of all the reasons why I hate it, is why I believe in it.

 

And yet, who can deny the post-class euphoria is the BEST part of class?

 

 

 

Happy 3 year anniversary to me! πŸ˜€

 

 

M*

9-week Stand, Anyone?

If you haven’t read this article by Clancy Martin of Details magazine, please click here.

 

 

I have a few minor problems with the article. Namely the fact that *I* did not get any hook-ups AT ALL during my 9 weeks of Teacher Training. Nope, I didn’t make out with anyone, never held hands, and I do not recall following a man with “perfect, rippling muscles” back to his room.

 

Instead, I found myself either :

– memorising dialogue like a loon

– doing yoga poses in the hallway of the Las Vegas Hilton with my groupmates [at 12am, nonetheless]

– crying

– doing bodily functions

 

 

 

Apparently the advanced seminar had “libidinal energy” pulsating throughout the resort during the Fall 2010 Advanced / TT. I think she has confused great yoga energy with sexual energy. Sure your Kundalinis open and what not, but if ANYONE has the energy to even last through the whole day AND return back to the room for some BoomBoomBangBang, you have my TOTAL respect.

 

I mean, sure I felt like I wanted to get laid, but even the mere thought of having sex was tiring enough.Β Seriously. I’d rather sleep than rub privates with someone else.

 

 

And “hundreds of gorgeous, fit women everywhere” ? Let me tell you a story of how I gained 6kgs during training, acne flared up and Bikram confused me for a boy [and this happened to a majority of my friends, the weight-gain part, not the “boy” part]. The end. The AVERAGE age of trainees at my TT was 40. The youngest was 18, the eldest 60-over. Gorgeous and Fit? Definitely. But not in the sexual snide undertones that the writer had in mind.

 

 

 

Maybe I should get my money back since I did not hook-up at all during my 9-weeks in Sin City. *sadface pout*

 

 

M*

 

 

 

The Epic Miri Gathering

aka Tania & King’s 2nd coming. Er. Wedding.

Pictures stolen from Daniel’s facebook because I stupidly FORGOT to charge my camera before bringing it along.

What do you get when you lump together a group that hasn’t met up in FOUR years? Add in some alcohol, a wedding, some nighttime debauchery [YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOUR YOGA TEACHER WENT LAST NIGHT], a hospital trip [YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOUR YOGA TEACHER GOT UP TO LAST NIGHT], amazing food and you get…

The Miri Gang.

I swear I gained 2 pounds in 3 days, thanks to all the feeding from our lovely hosts πŸ˜‰

“OMG SKINNY. EAT”.

Erm no thanks, I’m really full.

And I find my plate to be magically filled with food. Eeek.

Enough with the talky-talky, here are some pictures!

 

According to Chinese custom, the groom Β and his best men MUST pass a few … ‘tests’ / ‘trials’ / ‘tribulations’ set upon him by the bridesmaids. Because I am actually a sadistic person [and I have lots of ideas to plan], I have devised a few… erm, non-tortorous ways for the boys πŸ˜‰

 

 

Have you ever brushed your teeth with a gooey mix of honey AND cocoa powder? Yeah. The boys seemed to enjoy this one cause it looked easy and it tasted good. But of course, I start off slow and easy and move on to …

 

JELLY!

 

I made a special SPICY jelly with topped with bugs and wasabi powder. What made this jelly special was that I made it with BIRD’S EYE CHILLI [cili padi] essence water. Basically chopped up a few of those spicy suckers, poured boiling hot water to get the essence out and wala. I even topped the jelly with stars to make it look prettier Β πŸ˜€ And yes, those bugs are real. They taste… crispy.

 

Bitter bitter tea

A special brew of BITTER Chinese herbs and bitter gourd essence topped with freshly chopped bitter gourd. As to how BITTER it was, I took a tiny sip and the taste stayed with me on my tongue for a good 15-20 minutes. King even asked “OK, what DID you put in there? My mouth was BITTER for 30 minutes even AFTER a bottle of water and some cookies!”. Heh heh heh.

 

Carrot a day keeps the eye doctor away.

 

Tania bored a hole into the carrots, and we strung the carrots around the boys’ waist, making some other boys eat this wasabi-laced delicacy… withouth their hands. If you’re wondering, yes, it does look like a bunch of guys fellating each other in public.

 

And when it was all over, King got Tania πŸ˜‰

 

Min [in sunnies] is carrying a Golden Rooster with 7 eggs that symbolises good health and fertility.

 

Gold Gold Gold! πŸ˜€

 

Tania in her evening Cheongsam πŸ™‚

 

 

At the Chinese Tea ceremony ... iPhone obsession!

 

Dangit Daniel, you are SO DAMN SNEAKY WITH A CAMERA.

 

Some of the Best Men. Oh they were REALLY good sports about the games! πŸ™‚

 

I teared when she walked down the aisle :')

 

The Stage πŸ™‚

 

The Emcee was REALLY corny. “The sweetness of the cake will fill their heart with joy and fill their lives with sweetntess”. Or something equally as corny as that. I looked at Jo and said “I DID NOT WRITE THAT”. Haha!

 

Tania's Dad and the veil-covering

OOPS forgot to add this in. The lighting is really creepy, but the bride looks so radiant in this photo …

 

Pooped bride and equally pooped bridesmaids.

 

DANIEL YOU ARE TOO SNEAKY WITH THE CAMERA!

 

And we proceeded to Karaoke and drinking [I didn’t drink that much] and some more nighttime debauchery. Of which photos will not be posted up … because for some strange reason there is a photo of King topless and being molested by the guys. I was too busy playing dice / happily drinking away.

 

 

 

Ah, can’t wait for December 2011 πŸ™‚

 

 

M*

 

 

 

Project Integration : Success!

Barely 24 hours in Miri, I have managed to bump my head twice, have my bra strap unfurl and smack me in the face Β [I kid you not] and get clipped in the knee by a wheelchair.

 

EPIC holiday! Missing all the laughs, chats, giggles and rants already …

 

This trip definitely reminded me to take time out to spend with WHO, not WHAT counts.

 

 

M*

Criminal Intent

My new song of the mo’. After listening to this, I just want to go out and lose my shizz on the floor. In a good way.

But what am I talking about? I doubt I can even last 5 hours at ZoukOut! πŸ˜‰

 

 

 

 

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent

– Will the defendant please rise? State your full name for the record.
– Robyn
– Do you wish to say anything before the sentence is imposed?
– I do your Honor!

You know, from time to time
I need to get down
Unwind and just bump and grind
Get my shot on, have some fun
A little dirty never hurt anyone
I admit, I can get somewhat X-rated on the floor
But your Honor, how’s that something you get incarcerated for?

I-I-I done nothing that’s wrong
Way better by degrees something that’s frowned upon
I object most strongly Judge, they played my song

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Y-yo-yo Judge, may the record reflect the fact
I don’t have any priors
Besides, would you pardon me
For being inappropriately attired?
But yo, listen, them cuffs down at county
Totally ripped up my pantyhose
And some snitch punk at legal aid
Stole my voucher for court clothes

I done nothing that’s wrong
Way better by degrees something that’s frowned upon
I object most strongly Judge, they played my song

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Conspiracy to engage in lewd and indecent acts and events
I’mma wind it, grind it, oh my, I’mma say it again
Somebody alert the authorities, I got criminal intent
Somebody alert the authorities, she’s got criminal intent

Bikram Yoga Superheroes

A hilarious little clip about Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.

 

For some reason, WordPress doesn’t want me to embed it, so you’re gonna have to click HERE.

 

Ah, they’ve included everything. Only thing they missed out was “Trust the Process!”.

M*