The Strip

Before anyone gets any ideas, no, I am not stripping to earn cash to send my sad sorry [flat] ass to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.

Who’d pay to see a gaudily-dressed bamboo-stick creature clumsily dry-hump a pole? Actually, don’t answer that. It may very well be someone’s fetish.

What I meant to say is…

Bikram Yoga Teacher Training is moving to Las Vegas, NEVADA.

Whee?

Righty ho. I suppose this is going to be fairly interesting when I’m applying for a visa. I can JUST imagine the scenario at the interview already :

Officer : So, let me get this straight, right. You are applying for a visa, to come to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to learn… YOGA?

M*: YESSIR!

O : Isn’t yoga from India?

M* : Well, the founder’s Indian, but see, he set up shop in California, and the training centre’s in Vegas. Oh but see, it was supposed to be in Palm Springs, but it was moved to Vegas cause he didn’t like the food there. Would you like to have a look at my collection of My Little Ponies or perhaps show you a posture to help with that rather gargantous gut of yours that’s spilling forth from your pants? [I am afterall, rather well known for my lack of ‘filterration’].

O : ….

Plus after the recent bombings at the Ritz Carlton in Jakarta, investigators believe that a Malaysian was the mastermind. Oh great, just, fucking, GREAT. Now half the world  thinks that we’re all terrorists adding to the fact that we’re a Muslim country! However, I would like to assure all my US readers that I am not a terrorist that blows up buildings. No no. That’d be too costly. Plus I’m dyscalculic, so numbers fuck me up big time, “Oooh, 5 minutes *POOF*” [Waitamin, 3, not 5. DOH!]. I am however, a terrorist of LOCKING THE KNEE. I will creep behind unsuspecting people and WHAM, prod their knee and tell them to “LOCK THE FUCKING KNEE OR I’LL CUT YOUR BALLS OFF. I MEAN IT SIR, LOCK THE KNEE OR I’M HOLDING YOU HERE FOR 2 MINUTES”.

Ahem. *clears throat

Adding to the fact that since it WILL be my first trip to the States [Only ever been to Europe, New Zealand and almost all the countries in Southeast Asia], I know NOTHING about Las Vegas. Oh wait, I do, courtesy of Gil Grissom! Don’t know who I’m talking about?

I know that in Las Vegas, it takes police approximately 55 minutes to solve a murder and that people who work in crime labs are ridiculously good looking :

All that beauty just cannot hide behind a mask. Though I wouldn’t mind giving Gil a lesson or 2 on how to LOCK THE KNEE. 😉

M*

p.s : Did I just conclude a Bikram post with CSI annotations? I am so, so, so, weird when it’s 1.23am.

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Posted on July 22, 2009, in Bikram Yoga, Fun fun, Malaysiana. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Oh wow – Las Vegas is going to be your introduction to our country? Wow. Try not to judge us based on Vegas. The strip is basically like a grown-up amusement park but with lots of gambling, booze and porn. Not my cup of tea. Sorry… :-/

    • Looks like it! I was hoping it’d be in Palm Springs, California, it sounds so rad! More interested in going to spa-city than sin city *cringe.

      Oh wow, it sounds like I’m going to be in for a very very rude cultural shock.

      Hohohoho! *rubs fingers in glee.

  2. ..and its hot! It will be like you are in class all day and night. I bet they dont even have to heat the studio. Today is a cool day..its only 106. Thats 41 celsius, bwahahaha!
    Im not a big fan of Vegas, but I have cousins there ..I stay out of the gambling district. They dont call it sin city for nuthin!
    Be careful and if you have any trouble at all let me know and Ill give you my cousins #. She can bail you out of jail. ~giggle~

    • *melt

      I melt in class, to class, out of class. Aaaaaaah!

      Yogis in Sin City, that sounds like it could be a TV show!

      And yes, if I decide to supplement my income and get caught, er, ah, doubt they’d let me blog from prison! 😛

  3. oh marge helgenberger!!
    cross examine meeeeee!!!!

  4. the good news is that going to vegas will still give you the opportunity to strip for cash!

  5. Hey!!

    It’s your old neighbor..I’ve never left a comment here. Anyway, Vegas is a TON of fun..don’t necessarily have to gamble or see raunchy shows (I don’t do either). There’s plenty of FOOOD and the hotels are pretty and real over-the-top. I think it’ll be a fun experience. I love going there..it’s a whole other world in Vegas! Oh, when are you coming?

    Lesley

    • Lessss!!!!!

      Will be staying at the Hilton Las Vegas, heard it’s pretty old school, but oh well.

      If all goes well, I’ll probably arrive 1 week before Oct 4th to acclimatise to the weather and time zone. Was thinking of gallivanting around US [California, New York] if I had some extra moolah.

      Probably won’t be able to make your wedding though! 😦 But I’d like to meet your husband!

      p.s : I can’t believe I forgot my xanga password, can’t bleddy read all “locked” blogs!

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