Before anyone gets any ideas, no, I am not stripping to earn cash to send my sad sorry [flat] ass to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.
Who’d pay to see a gaudily-dressed bamboo-stick creature clumsily dry-hump a pole? Actually, don’t answer that. It may very well be someone’s fetish.
What I meant to say is…
Bikram Yoga Teacher Training is moving to Las Vegas, NEVADA.
Righty ho. I suppose this is going to be fairly interesting when I’m applying for a visa. I can JUST imagine the scenario at the interview already :
Officer : So, let me get this straight, right. You are applying for a visa, to come to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, to learn… YOGA?
O : Isn’t yoga from India?
M* : Well, the founder’s Indian, but see, he set up shop in California, and the training centre’s in Vegas. Oh but see, it was supposed to be in Palm Springs, but it was moved to Vegas cause he didn’t like the food there. Would you like to have a look at my collection of My Little Ponies or perhaps show you a posture to help with that rather gargantous gut of yours that’s spilling forth from your pants? [I am afterall, rather well known for my lack of ‘filterration’].
O : ….
Plus after the recent bombings at the Ritz Carlton in Jakarta, investigators believe that a Malaysian was the mastermind. Oh great, just, fucking, GREAT. Now half the world thinks that we’re all terrorists adding to the fact that we’re a Muslim country! However, I would like to assure all my US readers that I am not a terrorist that blows up buildings. No no. That’d be too costly. Plus I’m dyscalculic, so numbers fuck me up big time, “Oooh, 5 minutes *POOF*” [Waitamin, 3, not 5. DOH!]. I am however, a terrorist of LOCKING THE KNEE. I will creep behind unsuspecting people and WHAM, prod their knee and tell them to “LOCK THE FUCKING KNEE OR I’LL CUT YOUR BALLS OFF. I MEAN IT SIR, LOCK THE KNEE OR I’M HOLDING YOU HERE FOR 2 MINUTES”.
Ahem. *clears throat
Adding to the fact that since it WILL be my first trip to the States [Only ever been to Europe, New Zealand and almost all the countries in Southeast Asia], I know NOTHING about Las Vegas. Oh wait, I do, courtesy of Gil Grissom! Don’t know who I’m talking about?
I know that in Las Vegas, it takes police approximately 55 minutes to solve a murder and that people who work in crime labs are ridiculously good looking :
All that beauty just cannot hide behind a mask. Though I wouldn’t mind giving Gil a lesson or 2 on how to LOCK THE KNEE. 😉
p.s : Did I just conclude a Bikram post with CSI annotations? I am so, so, so, weird when it’s 1.23am.