Good vs Bad

Hello and welcome to another version of “Good vs Bad” with you loooovely host, Mei!

*applause

Now let’s take a look at what some of the GOOD and BAD things that happens in a Bikram Yoga teacher’s life!

GOOD : Students asking questions after class

BAD : Students asking if teacher is single

Oooooh! But wait. THERE’S MORE!

Good : Students talking after class

BAD : Students talking about teacher’s WEIGHT/WAIST SIZE after class

[42-43KG and currently sitting on a 24-25inch waist. Happy now? 😀 ]

GOOD : Students asking which posture is good for their sex life

BAD : Asking how would I know as I’m not married

[“Because I like… HEY. Is this a trick question?! BAD GAME SHOW HOST!”]

GOOD : Drinking water during class

BAD : Expelling it out on your teacher

GOOD : Students commenting on the condition of my face. “Oh, you have a zit”

BAD : Aren’t you supposed to look at yourself during class?!

AAAAAND there you have it!

Tune in next time, or next month, or maybe NEVER AGAIN for another episode of … A DAY IN A BIKRAM YOGA TEACHER’S LIFE!

M*

The Ego, Self & Compassion

Threw my back out once again. This year has been a rather testing year for me, what with that immune problem [shingles], an aggravated hip tendon/muscle/thingymajig and now, my lower right back hurts. I don’t know what the hell I did, but it is sure not the result of having one too many Margaritas and ending up on the wrong side of someone else’s bed.

So I sought the advice of the always fabulous Mrs.23 aka Juicy, of Mission Yoga [in San Francisco]. She then gave me the advice I needed to hear at the right time “When u r killing u’rself/ego, don’t forget the compassion for u’rself. Be loving. :-)”

I then went back to all the times I have practiced with students. As a teacher, my practice has now changed NOT JUST because of Teacher Training, but hugely because of, how should I say … expectations. Gone are the days where I would sit out a pose of I felt dizzy or if I started cramping out too early. I do not allow myself to sit out of the postures simply because I know the students are looking at me and my practice. As a teacher, and a young [in age and in tenure of teaching] lady in Asia, I know of the concept of having ‘face’. That means, maintaing a proper image and doing the wrong thing just to please everyone and maintain a facade.

2009 International Yoga Champion (Women’s Division) Courtney Mace once said, “[Competition] happens every time you step into the hot room, and it’s a competition between the ego and the soul. And the soul always wins.”. Unfortunately for me, my ego has always won. Not the ego that says “Yes, I am BETTER than you”, but the ego that is the fear of not doing well. Essentially, 2 things always hold us back in life, and that is fear and ego, and ego is really FEAR of not doing well. Coupled with my Type A personality and ferocious tenacious attitude for perfection, I sometimes don’t know how to back down when I really need to.

I admit, some days before I step in the room and I know that I’m not feeling well, I start to get worried whether people will judge me when I opt to sit out of a posture. “But you are a TEACHER, how can you NOT do it?”

I then realised that like what Juicy said, I should kill my ego but above all, have compassion for MY self. Having compassion doesn’t mean being LAZY – it simply means knowing how to take it down a notch when I am not feeling it. I can count the number of times I nearly blacked out [3] but I still carried on through class even though I was already swaying and looking 5 shades paler than Edward Cullen.

Ego, Compassion and Patience. My 3 things I have to endure this year 🙂

M*

And yada yada, it’s not the destination, but the journey 😉

DoMEIsticated

I am by no means, a domestic goddess. A Bikram Goddess maybe, an Anal Cleaning Goddess too but domesticated? Cook, clean, wash, laundry? Most certainly not me!

Till I decided one day to try making homemade potato croquettes.

Croquettes or Cockquettes or Massive Cat Turds?

Sure, they ended up looking like giant sand-covered cat turds [or as my mum said, “Like a flaccid penis”] but boy do they taste. So. Damn. Good.

Hey, I never professed to being one of those people who expertly make Fine Food 😉

It’s Dead Simple to make these croquettes, so here’s the recipe for a little Autumn / Winter snack or whenever you feel like a little comfort food :

Ingredients :

4-5 large potatoes, boiled and mashed

A tin of sardines [I used mackerel and leftover salmon in this case]

2 large handfulls of mozzarella cheese [you may omit this if you are lactose intolerant]

2 large eggs, beaten

Breadcrumbs

Oil for frying [though you may bake it if you want to be all healthy]

Salt & pepper to taste

Step 1 : Mash the potatoes [I have no potato masher at home, so I used a fork and diligently mashed those 5 large suckers while watching CSI:New York]

Step 2 : Mix sardines. At this point, you can start using your hands to get an even mix.

Step 3 : Add in cheese, salt, pepper and a dash of olive oil.

Step 4 : Shape into cat turd phallic croquette shape. However, if you are popping it in the oven, shape into a patty shape.

Step 5 : Roll in egg then lightly coat in breadcrumbs.

Step 6 : Heat some oil up.

Step 7 : When oil is hot, put in croquettes to fry. Alternatively, if you are being healthy, pop it into the oven.

Mixing it up

Right before I put them through the worst humiliation of all

And there you have it!

M*

Missing My Other Half

When I was at Teacher Training, one of the most consistent advice constantly dished out was “Come back to the Source [Bikram]” and “Trust the process”. Unfortunately for me, due to me being unable to take a week off of teaching, I have not been back at Teacher Training, though I sorely want to go.

I want to be killed by Boss again [TOUCH your forehead to the floor! Chicken shit!].

I want to remember how it was to feel like I was dying in the room.

I want to touch my neighbour next to me, to feel comforted all over again, that I am not alone on this journey of suffering, joy and melancholy.

I want to get yelled and screamed at, because nobody but Boss knows how much farther and further we can go.

Succintly : I want to get my ass kicked big time.

Watching the Spring 2010 training video just brought back memories, with me laughing when Bikram said “COME DOWN MORE BOSS, 6 INCHES, 5, 4, 3, 2 … CHICKEN SHIT”.

M*

Day 3,4,5,6 OH CRAP

Apologies for the lack of Updates for Days 3-6. As part of the detox I went through some VERY EMOTIONAL stuff that I decided not to blog about. Cause ya know, it’s utterly depressing and very sad and mope-y. Bleh.

But enough of that!

I only lasted 6 days, 4 days short of my intended 10 days as I lost too much weight and I started to look positively skeletal. As a result of being blessed with a small frame, even losing an ounce will make me look like a steamroller backed up on me and rolled over me twice just to make sure it did the job right.

The worst part of the detox wasn’t the “NO EATING” part but the emotional part. Some days I’d feel really really mad about things / issues in my past I have yet to resolve, some days I wish that I’d done things differently [the What If syndrome]. Once I woke up wondering if I could still continue living a lie and in self-denial but alas, I made the bed I laid in and I guess I have to live with it the rest of my life.

See. I told you I had lots of issues to work out! 😉

Practice-wise, I practiced twice and had a really strong class the first time. No, I didn’t pass out or black out [came close! But that was because I have been a very naughty girl and haven’t maintained a consistent practice 😉 ]. Really happy I regained most of my flexibility and strength post Shingles and I actually saw my ANKLES in Bow!

Doing the Salt Water Flush [SWF] meant that I had to wake up early [7am] to prepare my Holy Water of water and Pink Salt. How did I down 1litre of salt water in 1 minute? I just pretended I was back in uni and this was a really really really really long shot of Tequila. Warm Tequila. Going down my throat. Into my stomach. Through my colon. Through my digestive system. Out my rectum. Exploding into the toilet bowl.

YEECH. The stuff that comes out is TOTALLY un-fucking-believable. Imagine YEARS and DECADES of stuff stuck in your colon! If you had a relatively unhealthy diet like yours truly, the yeech will truly gross you out. Let us just say the stink was strong enough to knock out an entire field of American Bison [Haven’t you heard of the law where the farter can’t pass out thanks to his/her fart? Hehe!] God I have such juvenile humour sometimes.

At the end of the cleanse :

– Lost 1.5kg [not that I had much to lose]

– Skin much clearer [no spots, no rashes, no eczema!]

– Stomach / digestive system not bloated

– Tongue 1/4 pink!

Will I do it again? Yes and yes. I’ve never felt so good / strong, though I think I can only manage a few days at a time as I have a ridiculously high metabolism and losing anymore weight will make people think I have relapsed into anorexia again. 😉

M*