A Rose By Any Other Name

Is a rose indeed, so goes the saying.

However, I’m starting to get a little… irked by my name. Mei [or May, or Mae, however one’s parents choose to spell it] is indeed a very common name amongst Chinese, as Mei means “beauty” or “little sister” [mei mei] in Mandarin. A pity I have neither … In fact, there’s another instructor named Mei in my studio! So can you imagine the confusion that happens in class when both of us practice together?

“Mei! Er, the teacher. Leg up leg up!”

“Mei Pink! Get your head closer to your toes …”

“Mei!”. And both of us would turn to look quizically at the instructor.

The studio director yesterday suggested I find another name to call myself in class, as it’s confusing to have 2 Meis in 1 class.

SD : Find yourself a new name. I had such a hard time correcting yesterday!

M* : Hmm, what about sotong? [squid – cause I’m about as flexible as a squid]. Or Tofu.

SD : Nah, it sounds so negative. What about Butterfly? [after the tattoo on my back]. Oh but that’s too long! Oh wait, what about, M?

M* : Ok, sounds good!

I have yet to get used to my new name.

“M! Chest up! Push forward!”

Who the hell is this new girl named Em? Hurry and push .. oh wait.

Poor studio director even forgot that I was M at one point too!

“Mei er Mel er M!”

There are just too many girls that start with M at my studio 😉

Speaking of Chinese names, some of the Chinese people here have the WEIRDEST English names ever. Can you imagine meeting someone who introduces herself as either a : Estee, Avocado, Fish, Rihanna, Audreanna, Spaturaytia, Apple, Hernia, Rainbow … and the list goes on. I’ve met a guy named Sky [who ironically enough, drove a Skyline], Pericles [after the Ancient Greek politician. Serious], Nieks …

So there came a new student whose name I won’t mention, but will show :

Studio Director then piped up, “Oh Mei! Maybe I should call you Orange, or Banana … I hope no one goes hungry in class!”

To avoid looking like the mean bitch that I am, instead of laughing out loud, I curled up and began laughing into my legs, like a good little vibrating prawn dumpling. I think she saw me and cast me an evil look. Heh.

LT suggested that since I’m now M, I may as well be M for Mango.

Thanks. But I’d rather be M for Mangosteen. 😀

M*

The Hardest Thing …

… that I’ve done in my life is not copychecking 500 odd pages [make that 500,000 odd words if you will] of HTML THREE TIMES till the wee hours of the morning.

Neither was it trying to navigate my way around Onehunga.

It is getting my solidified ass that’s stuck to the sofabed – imagine if you will, melted Parmesan cheese stuck onto ceramic – out of the comfy cooling chair, into my room, to change into my sexy shorts, hop drag my still solidified ass out the door, into the car, and drive to the studio.

Naturally friends and family who don’t practice Bikram Yoga can’t understand why I’m doing this.

“It’s RELAXING, isn’t it?”

“It’s only 1.5 hours of your life and you’re gonna go ohhhhmmm”

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy, there’s no excuse why you can’t get a 9-5 job and still make it in time for 615”

Well my friends. It sounds easy, but it isn’t. 3/4 of the battle in this challenge lies IN MY HEAD. The soreness, the stiffness, all will be but forgotten. I still have to battle my mind and unify it with my body. I obviously am very stubborn, hard headed, opinionated,  hence have a VERY ACTIVE MIND. It’s just a matter of RETRAINING it to make me a better person.

And that is the hardest part.

M*

p.s : HAPPY “16TH” BIRTHDAY to BikramIsHot!

Friday Night Lights

First off : Congrad-500 classes in a row- tulations to McKinley as he’s done FIVE HUNDRED Bikram Yoga classes IN A ROW! That’s 1 class a day [AT LEAST], every day, for the past 500 days. Simply amazing and extremely inspirational, especially since my ass seems to be glued to the sofa like cheese on a lasagna.

Should I stop doing the Day x Class x Time x thingy? I seem to have lost track. I’ve only taken 4 days off so far [cause I was sick – vomitty insides do not make for good practice!]. Hmm.

Improvements so far would have to be ustrasana. Pushing hips forward, lifting boobs chest up, creating that 360º backward bending for gravitation [did I just spew out half the dialogue?] and WHOPPEE, not losing my grip!

The HARDEST most DIFFICULT part of the challenge so far? Not the sore body, not the aches. Certainly not the 40ºC heat. No no no. It’s the “Getting out of the house, into the car, driving TO the studio” part. Yes, it’s all mental. Some days my monkey mind goes “Take a break, will ya?” or “Look, sofa. Sleep. Guuuuuuuuuud”. That trumps all the pain money can’t buy.

And I did something different on a Friday night. Instead of coming home after class like a good little yogini, I went out for dinner with Angie, who’s back from New Zealand for the next 5 weeks and Jan, whom I haven’t seen in ages. Ah, good to be surrounded by high school friends, trading news [so and so is pregnant, this person is engaged, that person is married, amongst other scandalous news] and reminiscing about how much we miss New Zealand. 😦

Mild drama ensued as Jan left her headlights on, but as promised, I shan’t blog about it. Heh heh heh.

M*

Itchy & Scratchy

I’m my very own itchy and scratchy show.

Itch? Scratch scratch scratch till it doesn’t itch. In fact, I’ve scratched myself so hard, I’ve burst the blood capillaries under my skin and thus I am now walking around with huge and ugly red lesions on my skin. And the nastiest part? I’ve managed to scratch and bruise myself. *cringe.

Apparently a “sweat producing” activity [Bikram!] is affecting my sweat ducts, and coupled with the nasty weather, has resulted in heat rash. Which explains the rashes that have cropped up the past few days.

I’m too sore and tired to talk about today’s class. I need a good night’s sleep, for even after a 3 hour odd nap in the afternoon, I was still too tired and would’ve skipped if it wasn’t for my mum who was going to drive there anyway.

M*

Aieesaurus

Day 16 , Class 17, 615pm

The title’s a pun of sorts. Aieee is the sound of Mei post class while “saurus” is a pun of the word “sore”, because THAT’S HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW.

Sore sore sore sore sore sore sore sore pain pain pain pain pain pain stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff stiff PAIN PAIN PAIN SORE SORE SORE.

To use the correct words but inappropriate language  in describing how I feel : FUCKING SORE, BLOODY PAINFUL, TOUCH ME AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT WITH MY TEETH.

Ahem.

On the way back from class, realised that lights appeared brighter [a good sign that perhaps my astigmatism is lifting up?! 😀 ] and come to think of it, I’ve got an impending headache the size of China. Maybe it’s my brain rewiring itself. Hmm.

M*

p/s : I’ve noticed that some days of the challenge I feel like a SUPER BITCH. Like, GET OUTTA THE WAY level SUPERBITCH lest I make you cry. Quake in fear and bask in my awesomeness, all 160cm of me.

Shark Infested Waters

Day 15, Class 17, 615pm

Whoops, forgot to update. Mainly because The Beast & CSI:NY was on TV. Travis Fimmel is sex on a stick.

I know, I know. Alot of “So and so is sex on a stick” tweets, but rest assured, there is an explanation to this lunacy. Like, ESTROGEN flying all over the godamn place making every other guy I see [whether on TV or real life] a potential mate. Something like Species, minus the fact that I’m not Natasha Hendstridge. And that it will be very difficult to drag Daniel Heeney / Hugh Jackman / Sam Worthington / Gael Garcia Bernal / Travis Fimmel / Edward Norton / Eric Bana  back to my place.

So off I went to get tortured, once again. As I’d like to say, What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If it doesn’t kill you first.

Jakob’s class was high on energy, humour and grace. Sure he had a little trouble with some Chinese names “Sook Kaine? Rhymes with cocaine?” [I stifled a giggle on this one] before launching into the trademark American sarcasm, “I’m still getting used to the names. I’m sure you all have problems with names like Paul, Bob…”.

One thing about him is that he sneaks up upon you when you’re practicing and WHAM BAM SLAM, hits you with a correction. I truly appreciate that though! And here’s the hilarious correction for dandayama dhanurasana from yesterday :

J : Strength is NOT speed, Mei! Now for the second set, you are NOT ALLOWED to fall out! Just imagine you are balancing on a pedestal. And if you fall off, you will fall into a pool filled with sharks who will eat you up.

M* : 😯

And the amazing this is :  I DID IT! I BALANCED FOR 1 FULL MINUTE! NO FALLING OUT! THE FIRST TIME EVER ON MY RIGHT LEG!

As he said after that : See, you can do it! When it’s a matter of life or death.

Fortunately for the sharks, I wobbled out during the second set and fed them 4 times.

Need to build up on strength. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason Asians [particularly those of Chinese / Japanese ancestry] are good at sports such as gymnastics or diving based on our body geometry, but SUCK BALLS at weight-lifting….

M*

p/s : And WHAT THE HELL is up with the numbering?! I can’t be THAT FAR behind The Challenge! I’ve only missed 3 classes… but I’m 5 classes behind according to the blog. Unless there was a day [or more] I forgot to blog about …

p/p/s : At this point of time, my flexibility is out the window. My backward bends look like half assed attempts. On the other hand, the 3rd part of salabhasana either looks like a really good salabhasana, or a half-assed scorpion.

Accelerated Development

So they say Day 1 – Day 30 are the physical changes. In this time, one would obviously encounter The Runs [a sign of dehydration / detoxing, perhaps?], super fast weight loss, stiffness [hello joints-I’ve-never-known-exist-before!] and super muscle development.

Emotional development cometh Day 31-60. That’s the emotional breakdown, the crying, the weeping, the feeling of helplessness, etc etc.

Day 61-90 hark the beginning of “Hello! It’s a new me!”.

In under 30 days, I have encountered the physical changes within the first 15 days, and the emotional stuff is hitting me, NOW. Like, HARD. In the FACE. With a sledgehammer.

I feel worthless, helpless and like a total fuck-up.

But hey, if you feel like shit and things are going terrible, it means that something good is just round the corner, right?

Or maybe I’m just being stupid.

M*

Tick Tock

Day 14, Class 16, 930am

Towards the end of class, during Paschimotannasana to be exact, I felt The Waterworks fast approaching. First it began with a lump in my throat, then tears dripped freely down my sweaty face onto my thighs, onto my shins.

I would’ve bawled my eyes out, but I honestly didn’t want to freak my poor friend who was practicing next to me.

Even watching Susan Boyle’s performances are triggering the Waterworks. What is wrong with me? A culmination of my shitty life balling itself up into a lump in my throat?

M*

SUPER WTF

Remember Andrea Fonseka from 2004? You know, the fatty healthy-shaped woman who represented Malaysia at the Miss Universe pageant?

Miss Malaysia Universe 2004

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Personally, my two cents worth? She’s not a representation of Malaysian beauty. I could go on and on about how I’ve got other hotter friends, but I shan’t go in to great detail here.

So yes, she goes on to represent Malaysia [to the chagrin of many Malaysians …]. Lo and behold, she disappears off the radar and reemerges from the ashes, reborn, and ready to take on the entertainment world with her new-found svelte silhouette.

How! Why! What happened?! Did she starve herself to death? Stay away from chocolate cake? Not indulge in a little midnight snacking?

NAY, she went to a slimming centre, one such as MARIE FRANCE BODYLINE.

Take a look here :http://www.mariefrancebodyline.com.my/testi_andrea.asp

So apparently she lost 7.5kg [16.5 lbs] in just 3 weeks. Marie France blasted the fat off her thighs, stomach and hips, and IN JUST 3 WEEKS she has the figure of a starved Brazilian model.

Hah, I thought, good for her. At least she’s getting her career [or lack thereof] back on track. Yada yada yada. I paid no heed to this innane chatter until I was surfing my local [Bikram] studio’s website : http://bikramoriginalhotyoga.com/index.html

So the woman who was fat, then lost weight thanks to some UNNATURAL slimming programme, is now the SPOKESPERSON for TRUE FITNESS? Specifically every time I want to search the schedule for updates, I HAVE TO SEE HER VERY PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURE ON THE WEBSITE.

What sort of message is this sending to EVERYONE who practices Bikram Yoga in True Fitness [yours truly included]? Or for the matter, those who are members of True Fitness?  That you have to GO TO A SLIMMING CENTRE, slim down, THEN only are you qualified to enter True Fitness? Really? Then maybe True Fitness should look into hiring Personal Trainers who DON’T fucking stand near the carpark and inhale and exhale their noxious cancer sticks.

I am VERY UNHAPPY and UPSET that True Fitness has decided to use a “CELEBRITY” [I use this term loosely here] that has ACKNOWLEDGED the fact that she WENT TO A SLIMMING CENTRE as their new spokesperson.

Hey Mr. Patric Wee : I’ve got a better marketing idea. Why not you use REAL PEOPLE instead of CELEBRITIES to be your spokesperson? This lends more CREDENCE to whatever campaign you’re going to push. This… “celebrity” lifestyle of partying, drinking and what not, is that what truly embodies “TRUE” FITNESS? Sure sure, fitness is a term that means many things to many people. But I bet many people will agree with this : A celebrity lifestyle IS NOT fitness.

There’ I’ve said it. Rant over.

M*

p/s : OK I LIED. I am NOT HAPPY with her alignment in that picture of Trikanasana, spine twisting pose [Doesn’t it look HALF ASSED to you?], Padangustasana [ELBOWS to the body, Miss Fonseka!].

p/p/s : Oh GOD if I’m this anal over a photo, I can hardly imagine what I’ll be like *IF* or *WHEN* I become a teacher. But hey, 99% right = 100% wrong!

Girl Loves Robot

Ahhhhh the video for Royksopp’s new single, “The Girl and The Robot” has just landed!!!!

Thanks to the lovely Justine who dropped the songs in my folder. 😀

A true kick-ass video, and I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the imagery in it. You really need to watch it twice to get the meaning of the video, as all is not apparentl during first viewing.