Shoo and BEGONE!

Ugh, I think I may be coming down with something. Something that starts with a C and rhymes with OLD. And no, it’s not H1N1 so stop looking at me like I’m covered in  festering, bubbling boils. Ok FINE, I *am* covered in pimples, but still!

Was down and out for the count during class yesterday. Toppled out of padangustasana while coming out and fell over during trikanasana. By spine strengthening series I was giving it my all, but plopped down to savasana one set of everything. Fell asleep during ustrasana and it would’ve been a nice long nap had Erik not come down from the podium to tap me on the shoulder.

Today : The inner brat in me threw a MEGA tantrum before class. “No, don’t WAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNAAA GO! DON’T WANNA! DONCH WAAAAAAAAAN! [insert ear-piercing scream and appropriate hand flailing]”.

M* : Must. Go. It’s only 1.5 hours, and officially Day 11!

Brat Mei : Don’t. Wanna!!!! I’m sick, *sniff sniff sob sob.

M* : Go. Or ELSE.

Brat Mei : Or ELSE what?! You’re one half of me too!

M* : … Who wants some ice cream after class?

Brat Mei : MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

M* : If you want ice cream, you’re gonna have to go to class.

Brat Mei : ohkay FAINE.

*drags sad sorry self up to change.

I know, I know. I’m a little crazy to have a dialogue with myself, but hey, I was the only child for 7 years before my brother came along, so I’ve gotten used to talking to myself.

And I did not regret one bit going to class after twisting, bending and compressing the fever out of me.

On a side note, I am in the midst of procuring funds to get to Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. So if ANYONE out there has ANY freelancing writing jobs [the more the better!], hit me up at meimei2606 [at] gmail dot com.

Thinking positive, thinking positive, thinking positive, thinking positive! >.<

M*

Asian Poses!

Yay, it was Asian Poses on Friday!

I know, I know, it’s very late [and so should be aptly named Asian Poses On Friday Now Postponed To Monday]. But behold, I present to you, Mei and Justine‘s collection of Asian Poses. Although there were 20 photos taken, according to the Guru of Photos, only 15 could be used. Many thanks to Za for taking the photos [and neglecting work for 13.4 minutes], I will forever be in your debt. It was very hard work indeed taking photos of 2 lunatics posing around Thinkspace going “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now we do…. [insert pose name]!”. That and he was 3 seconds away from disembowelling himself from all the cuteness.

Justine has managed to look cute in all the photos. I had trouble keeping a straight face and as a result, ended up looking rather constipated in a few shots. I assure you that my bowels are working perfectly well.

Oh, and check out my new haircut! That’s another reason why I went camwhoring on Friday. Loving the new short ‘do, as it makes practicing Bikram that much easier 🙂

Ok, enough copy text, here are the noteworthy pictures.

Nyan Nyan!

Notice how Justine pulled off the pose PERFECTLY? Complete with cute eyes [and look, she too has small wrists, I feel less like a freak].

DOUBLE PEACE SIGN FTW v^_^v

*snigger snigger

Frame!

… my frame was a failure. Justine’s however, was a complete success.

Salute!

This reminds me of a rejected photo for a calendar. I can imagine the Creative Director going “OUT OUT OUT, WAD EES DIS CRAP?!”

Call me~

Justine looks seductive. I look pathetic.

Pillow! Or as the Asians say it, "pirrow!"

She looks at peace, I look like Lorena Bobbit before she did the deed.

Confused~~~

This was the exchange that was going on Facebook :

M* : That looks like the writers pondering how to dissect a badly written brief.

Justine : as if. do either one of us react so mildly to a bad brief? i think not. la la la la la

Note : NEVER EVER EVER give the writers a crappily written brief, as we’ll throw down a tantrum so bad it’ll make HULK SMASH HULK BASH look like kittens running through the daisies.

*pleading*

Justine looks convincing. I look like I’m pleading with an evil grin, the kind that will stab your balls with a knife while you’re helping the kittens. v^_^

*begging~*

M* : Please have pity on me, o great Justine.

Justine : For your valiant attempt at Asian poses, I hereby grant you a can of refreshing soda.

Note : Hmph, you guys get coke, we get STAY ALERT STAY AWAKE pills. WTF.

Thinking + Act Cute

Justine looks like she’s plotting something.

Pointing!

Oi, how come our fingers are out of focus? Tsk tsk. Ok ok, it was taken on the rush. Oh by the way, our camwhore pictures were taken on a NIKON dslr, so it’s very “professional” LOL

Heart! ❤

This reminds me of Captain Planet, where the lousiest ring power would be that kid from South America – HEART. Really, WTF?

Shhhh.

Silence. We are doing Asian Poses.

Shock~

We’re practicing for when we accept our Golden pencils, right? 😀

GIANT heart!

And to finish : a GIANT heart! ❤

There, now all foam in your mouth and collapse and marvel that is the greatness of Justine and Mei’s Asian Poses.

M*

PERVERTS

A few members of the male species at the local yoga studio really got my beef today. ROAR!

It is a known and acceptable fact that women who practice hot yoga or Bikram Yoga wear itty bitty shorts and a tank top/ bra top. No, this is not to show off our marvelously flat belly or curvaceous body. This is because yes, it is hot, and it will only get hotter in class, so obviously you don’t want getting cotton soaked through and through only to weigh 2tonnes by tadasana [yes, I sweat THAT much!].

There was a first-timer who joined the class. Before class he was literally oogling at the females who were wearing bra tops and shorts / 3/4 pants. Could literally see his tongue hanging out of his mouth and if you were to listen carefully, he was panting like a dog in heat. After the final savasana, my mum caught him staring at my friend [who was wearing her cute Shakti shorts]’s pubic area. Mum gave him the evils [you can’t exactly yell “FUCKING PERVERT!” while other people are relaxing] before he got the hint and dragged his perverted self out the door.

The next day, he came to class again, only this time, during final savasana, as I did a half spine twist on the floor [love doing this to crack my lower back], I caught him checking ME out. I gave him the mother of all evils before he slowly turned away like a cat caught stealing the jug of cream and sauntered out the room. Fucking pervert.

Not to mention a few males who were SO OBVIOUSLY staring at women’s chests / ass during certain postures. To these males, I say :

Get a life. You come to Bikram Yoga to improve your health, not check out other nubile bodies. We females know how to avoid wardrobe malfunctions, so if you’re hoping for a nipple slip, you’d best be taking off your own shirt and looking at your own nipples. While you’re at it, why not you twiddle them left and right and twist it off to do us all a favour. If you’re looking for a little camel toe action, rejoice, for there may be some. However, if you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of a cunt flap / vajayjay lip dropping out of our shorts, I’m sorry, Shaktis are pretty good in helping us ladies preserve our modesty. If seeing sweaty bodies bend and twist on a journey of health and self discovery turns you on, you’d be better off watching the Discovery channel because more sex happens there. Maybe a few scenes of rhinos mating in the savannah ought to be more interesting, with the added advantage of you being able to masturbate in the comforts of your own home.

Maybe you ought to bring your spouse / girlfriend to Bikram Yoga so you may be able to perve and fantasise all you want using her body as your source of inspiration. If you are single and trying to pick up the ladies after all your perving, you can forget about it, because we can most certainly smell your lecherous ways a mile away.

M*

Annual Pimple Convention

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls above the age of puberty. I am sure that if you are above the age of 12, you would have experienced the occasional bothersome and maybe painful, ZIT. Commonly known as pimple or if you’re like me, you’ll name each and every spot. Unfortunately for me, I have too many so I’ve lost count.

Yes, I’m the weirdo who names her pimples. Doesn’t it make it a little more bearable when you go “LE HAH! Die Murphy DIE! I will SQUEEZE you and you will DIE DIE DIE and NOT scar my lovely face!*” ? Well, it works for me.

For some reason, the pimples have decided that the very prestigious Annual Pimple Convention is to be held on my body, namely my torso and my face. Should your pimple wish to participate, please email me to reserve a spot [pun unintended].

So far, the attendees are :

– Pimplera the 2nd, residing on my torso and looks like my 3rd nipple.

– Julian, residing on my hairline and is the cause of me going “ARRGHH OW!” during sasangasana.

– Sam, residing next to Julian.

– Jacintha, residing next to Pimplera.

and countless other esteemed dignitaries.

I think the zits are converging on my body as I’ve been stuffing junk into my body the past few days. Practice wise, no discrenable differences, apart from when they say “I hit the wall during practice”, I literally hit the wall [okay FINE, mirror!] today.

Saturday night TV beckons.

M*

Oh, HAI!

I’m sorry, been bits busy celebrating the 26th of June.

Patiently awaiting the Asian Poses from Justice. We did 20, yo! Many thanks to Za for helping us take the pictures and to Brian L for his crappy art direction :

Za : Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Hurry up!

M* : Think of it as your birthday present to ME. Now hurry up and TAKE THE PICTURES.

*click click click

Brian : Awesome. Now girls, take your clothes off.

Justine : Fuck you.

We forgot 6 of the poses! Oh and we couldn’t do the pigtail one cause well, we both have short hair, heh heh heh. Plus it was good fun visiting the old office again and goofing around with the guys 🙂

M*

A Rude Awakening

I shall be known as Gasseous Maximus, daughter of Fartus Alotus, as I felt real gassy and farty during class.

But of course, I adhered to proper societal decorum and did NOT let one rip in class. Not loudly, at least. Heh heh heh. 😀

Started off the day feeling dehydrated. By dehydrated I mean : Even after 4litres of water, my pee is still yellow. DISGUSTING!

Even after skulling another litre of water, my pee stubbornly remained yellow. Fascinating. Actually, not so.

Finally, I had 2 glasses of super electrolytes, had a 1 hour nap before being rudely awakened by two old farts [heh, no pun intended].

During class, the lack of water started playing out as I struggled to find strength, and drifted off to sleep during savasana – dreaming of ponies and unicorns waltzing around the room like I took 4 hits of LSD* – before the familiar “Flex your toes, arms over your head, breathe, suck your stomach in and SIT UP!”.

Lesson : ALWAYS hydrate thyself. Or you’ll find cartoon characters invading your practice.

M*

* Never tried LSD. Apparently it makes you see colourful pretty things, and ponies and unicorns were the 2 pretty colourful things I could think of! 😀

Slurpee

I feel like having a slurpee right now. Or a bowl of shaved ice with sweet corn, syrup and other sweet goodies [known here as ais kacang]. Anything cold, cool and sweet to calm the raging dryness that resides in my throat. Alas, I am one of the laziest people to inhabit planet earth, so a can of green tea + aloe bits shall suffice. For some reason I am insanely dehydrated. Even after 4Litres of water [around 135 oz], my pee is still yellow and I get that tingly feeling when I hit the floor series. And yes, I am electrolyting before and during class!

And I now leave you with this awesomely inspiring TV commercial. This is precisely why I LOVE TVCs from Thailand – funny, witty, totally unexpected and it doesn’t help that the talents are pretty cute.

Enjoy!

M*

Dare You?

I’ve blogged recently about how my home studio is offering goodies to those who complete a 30-day challenge (free bag+spa vouchers) or 60-day challenge (Yogitoes Skidless Towel+spa vouchers). Now I know it’s not about the prize(s), but about the marvellous changes your body undergoes during said challenge.

Needless to say, myself, the instructors and a few members were cajoling and encouraging other benders to try it out. Afterall, the more the merrier, they say. Now while I understand the usual reasons of work [16 hours of staring at a screen, 0_0], family, the following reasons somehow have me questioning my sanity [am I a Bikram zealot?] or the magnificent excuse-making machine that are Malaysians.

So here are my PERSONAL takes on WHY these reasons are, in my opinion, silly little excuses that people create in order not to take up the challenge. Please note while I understand some people are working [I shall assume the usual 9-5 hours], are housewives [gotta cart the kids to school, and blah and blah] or have families to take care of [geriatric parents, 5 screaming kids below the age of 10…]

I can’t do the 30/60-day challenge because…

1. I gotta take 3 days off a month for “that” time of the month

Ans : If you’re not looking to start a family – CONGRATULATIONS! You’re not a mother this month! If you’re looking to start a family – I’m sorry, try again. I’m sure you’re having fun during the process 😉

Jokes aside, this, in my opinion, is one of the silliest reasons ever. Why do you not want to go? Cramps? Today I had the Cramps of Death. Guys, imagine a door slamming shut against your testicles every 4 minutes. It seriously felt like contractions [childbirth without epidural, I am ready for you], and by 12pm I was breaking out in cold sweat. If I could bust my cramping uterus for 90 minutes [615 class yo!], I’m sure even a light flow wouldn’t do you harm. Afraid of staining the towels? Get a dark coloured towel! Afraid of leaking all over the place? Wear the right absorbency tampon / pad ! Cramps? Seriously, you’ll forget them after the first set of Pranayama!

Please note that even 1-2 even 3 weeks before THAT time of the month, your body will undergo changes as it prepares itself should your egg be fertilised. As such, please hydrate yourself with electrolytes, and during this wonderful week that precedes this monumental event, your flexibility / strength will go out the window and your body will most likely be telling you : FUCK YOU. I am NOT doing a backbend, nyehnyehnyeh! But pull through, do what YOU can, and be assured that in a few days, all will be back to normal.

Side story :

1 : I don’t want to practice Yoga on “flow” days, what with all the separate leg stretching and all that.

M* : OH PLEASE. It’s not like you haven’t spread your legs before.

2. It’s not good to do Bikram everyday

Ans : Is it good to walk everyday?

Personally, I think it’s A-OK. Unlike weight-lifting / other exercises that have to tear your muscles apart to build it, Bikram yoga comprises of stretching and compressions. Think about it : Would you rather crush a metal bar and reassemble it bit by bit, or heat it up slowly to shape it into a knife?

3. I will feel tired-lah, cannot.

Ans : Yes, you may feel fatigued/tired after the first 20 days. Yes, you may feel like every muscle/ligament/bone/tendon in your body [except your face, cause there are no postures that involve the face!] was ground up and hastily glued back by a 3 year old kid. And yes, some days you will think : What in Muffin’s name am I doing?

If you find that you are feeling tired even after class, stay longer in savasana – your body needs to recuperate and reap the benefits of your hard work!

4. Body ache-lah, cannot!

Ans : Yes, your body WILL ache. Mine does, even after 40 odd days. Think of it as your body changing and accommodating to new-found strength and flexibility. Oh and that ankle pain I blogged about? Just realised that it was a case of my bones in the foot realigning 🙂 My foot no longer rolls inside to the right! You have no idea how insanely happy I am as for YEARS [I’m talking about 6 years or more] I was always convinced that I will forever walk funny and leave square little footprints on the beach. [Remember Roald Dahl’s The Witches?]

5. The heat will dry out my skin / hair!

Ans : ….

Moisturise your skin with Palmer’s Cocoa Butter. Not only will you smell yummy, but it also helps to lock in moisture. As for the hair bit, I have 3 magic words for you : Schwarzkopf Repair Rescue.

Yes, seriously.

So you see, I don’t understand the fuss that *some* Malaysians kick up with the challenge. But for now, I choose not to surround myself with such pessimistic thinkers as I trudge on to Day 4 (official, unofficial – 46]. On the Maths side of things : I paid RM1890 for 365 + 90* days of Bikram Yoga. HELL yeah it’s so worth it if I come EVERY DAY and get a Yogitoes towel in the process! I paid for the heat and qualified torture maestros to beat me into shape, after all!

M*

p.s : Malaysia has the CHEAPEST Bikram Yoga membership according to the studio director.

* I signed up for a package special – Pay RM1890 and get 3 months free. Fuck yeah, it’s a good deal!

Are You?

You know you’re a Bikram yogi/ni when …

– The zits on your face don’t bother you as much as zits on your back / chest. Why? Cause you can’t savasana properly without going “Eek, ow, ooh ahh!”. That and you can’t wait for class to be over to pop that damn pimple.

– You consider pioneering a new form of haircut that not only looks cute, funky, stylish, edgy out of class [and totally complements your looks], but also won’t flop around your head / face when you’re practicing.

– You’re totally convinced that longer hair helps with backbends [more weight to aid gravity in dropping your head backwards…]

– You wish that your towels can self wash and dry in under 4 hours.

– You are secretly nodding in agreement after reading the previous point.

M*

Asian Poses

After a night of drinking, debauchery and insane eating [I was force fed mutton, lamb and baked potatoes the whole night], I managed to wake up at 730am in time for the 9am class. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, so I checked twitter.

Lo and behold, @secretmuffin and @ilovesweat challenged me to an “Asian poses” face off. To be honest, I’m what my family calls a “banana”. Yellow on the outside, white on the inside [err, does my Russian ancestry count toward this?], I’m more comfortable speaking Spanish [yes, Spanish] over my native Mandarin. That and I sound like a white chick horribly mangling every. single. word. Side story : I once tried to impress my grandmother by speaking my mother’s Hakka dialect, and told granny that “Ngai kem pet liao” [I’ve closed (the door) already], to which my aunt screeched “Pet pet pet makai, cipet ah pet?!” [Cunt cunt cunt, you just said cunt!]. Apparently I’ve mispronunced / misintonated the word “already” [pet], inadvertantly saying the C word in front of my 80 year old grandma. Ooops. Till this day I’ve not spoken a single word in Hakka, except for the customary “Hello Grandma how are you / What are you doing / Ok bye!”.

OK while I was ranting my teeth off, click here to discover the beauty that is asianposes.com. Since @secretmuffin and @ilovesweat have asked me to “throw some moves” down, I present to you, my top 4 attempts at Asian poses. Please note that taking pictures with a camera phone was insanely difficult, plus my boyfriend kept on rolling his eyes going “Are you DONE YET, you camwhore?” and muttering “Can we GO now?” when I made him help me take pictures. I worked really hard, practiced in front of the mirror right before 9am Bikram class, so here goes!

2! v^_^

6 / Call me 😉

❤ ^_^v Kawaii-ne!

The deadly combo of puffy cheeks + cat aka bloated squirrel carcass pose

Whoah, just realised that my wrists look TINY.

And this concludes my vanity post for today.

Oh wait, the Bikram part of this blog [I have YET to figure out a new blog URL, sigh!] : I was the FIRST person to sign up for the 60-day challenge. Will take a piccie of the board, plus the oh-so-boring red dot stickers they place over the days. Sigh, shall bring my happy My Little Pony stickers instead. 😀

M*

p.s : Am slightly miffed that my full name is on the board. !!!