Mastercleanse Day2

Woke up eating / licking my wallpaper, before realising that I did NOT have wallpaper in my room, and waking up again.

Pretty much like Inception 😀

Craving carbs carbs carbs.

M*

MasterCleanse Day 1

After breaking out into rashes for the umpteenth time this year and having THREE ulcers form in my mouth [ouch], I have decided to take matters into my paws and go on the Master Cleanse.

For those of you not familiar with the Master Cleanse, please click here.

No, it’s not a way to lose weight for me – though I must add that I was happy to read that ‘underweight people’ gain weight towards the end of the Cleanse. Hooray!

If you think not eating is difficult, it actually is! Even though funny enough I had an eating disorder in the past … but that is another story for another day.

Day 1 has been a mixed bag of emotions! The ever lovely Jolinda told me that at some point we’ll go through the emotional detox, but oh she didn’t mention it’ll be within 24 hours of starting the Cleanse! I basically felt annoyed and aggro with everyone and anyone [WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT MAPLE SYRUP IS?!]

The WORST part was walking through the mall and smelling food when I was soooo hungry [didn’t have my Lemonade on me] and when I got to the Health Food Store, I could’ve sworn all hell broke loose when they didn’t have Grade B maple syrup.

Excuse me while I prepare my Salt Water Flush… this should be fun.

M*

Britney Spears

Today’s class was like a very sloppily put-together “BEST OF” Britney Spears CD.

First track : Toxic

All the damn toxins in my body accumulated from 4 days of non-practice and eating all the lovely oh so delectable goodies that will make me die a farting death in class.

Second track : Blackout

Need I say more?

Third track : Baby, One More Time

Even though I have suffered enough for 90 minutes, I’ll still come back tomorrow to die on my mat.

M*

“9 Crimes”

Got this from the latest episode of True Blood. Haunting, beautiful score and very… European lyrics [I find out later that the singer is indeed Irish].

Enjoy!

9 Crimes

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I’ve got no excuse

Is that alright, yeah
Give my gun away when it’s loaded
That alright, yeah
If you don’t shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
That alright, yeah
Give my gun away when it’s loaded
That alright, yeah
With you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It’s the wrong time
She’s pulling me through
It’s a small crime
And I’ve got no excuse

Is that alright, yeah
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright, yeah
If you don’t shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright, yeah
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright, yeah
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright, yeah
If you don’t shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright, yeah
If I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright, yeah
Is that alright, yeah
Is that alright, yeah
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No…

M*

I Give Up.

While scrolling through my Tweetstream yesterday … this came up :

@ninieahmad BANNED from #projectalpha on Astro as she’s a Malay yoga teacher.

Quick background for my non-Malaysian blog readers :

@ninieahmad : Famous yoga teacher in Malaysia. Sponsored by Adidas and Stella McCartney. Link to her blog here

#projectalpha : Reality TV based programme of sorts about bloggers and their lives

Astro : Cable TV network

Malaysia : In a sum, consists of 3 major races – Malays, Chinese and Indian

WHY was she banned? Was it because she’s MALAY [and hence, a MUSLIM]? After last year’s fatwa [decree] on Muslims being BANNED from yoga [which incidentally, has been lifted but I have since blogged about it here], there has been furor, uproar and confusion on the whole of Malaysia as to whether Muslims can do yoga.

To me, yoga is a form of exercise. Again, I am speaking from my point of being a certified Bikram Yoga teacher, so my comments and opinions based herewith cannot be compared with say, an Iyengar teacher who has had a different method of training / schooling. I have been practicing Bikram Yoga for 2.5 years and teaching it full-time for 6 months, and if the Malaysian Fatwa council has deemed yoga as being religious,I cannot fully comment on this matter as I am not a Muslim nor do I profess to have fully read and understood the Qu’ran.

However, I can say with absolute certainty and confidence that Yoga is NOT a religious experience. It is an experience allright, but it’s more of an exercise. Never before have I seen people of different backgrounds, races, creeds and nationalities together, in ONE room, for 90 minutes, staying absolutely silent and bending, twisting, compressing and sweating [some more profusely than others!]. And the sight after class absolutely warms my heart. Everyone sitting around, joking, saying ‘hellos’ or ‘goodbyes’ and doing some catching up, and the occasional banter / tirade / questions that come my way.

Hmm. Come to think of it, maybe Yoga really IS religious. See Exhibits below :

#1 : Oh God Mei, the room was so hot / humid!

#2 : Oh GOD Mei, I can’t get my knee locked / suck my stomach in! [precisely how I was when I first started]

#3 : Oh GOD is she ever going to get us out of [insert posture] ?! I can tell by the looks on your face. Seriously 😉

Jokes aside, it really seems to me that it is really a lack of understanding and tolerance that has led to this fiasco. Already Malaysia is dealing with brain drain of young professionals to other countries, international headlines of us sentencing a woman to whipping  for drinking beer and RM8billion [US$3billion] of our taxpayers money going to build a new national palace, when our current national palace is PERFECTLY FINE.

Some days I truly wonder WHY I bothered coming back to a country that already feels alien to me. If doing what I like in my country may soon result me in being banned due to some preexisting fear / judgement, why the hell should I even pay tax and be treated like dirt?

If my job allows me to travel the world, than travel I shall. Perhaps I will settle down eventually, in the future, somewhere where I will not feel alienated and ostracized just because I am doing what I love.

M*

Codex Headache

Logic problems faze me.

“If … then… therefore …. ”

“HOWEVER, IF …. THEREFORE … THEN…. THUS … ”

AHH!

OK. Back to coding.

M*

Compassion

A central theme in Buddhism is “Compassion for all beings”, which I shall take here to mean all things living and spiritual [I believe spirits walk amongst us, but you know, don’t disturb them and they don’t disturb you].

What exactly IS compassion? Is it feeling sadness reading the deaths of so many people in Gaza?

Or is it rejoicing over the deaths of ‘terrorists’?

How about feeling sadness for the families of these ‘terrorists’?

Is compassion turning the other cheek when you are slapped? Or is it feeling sorry for the person who dealt you the blow, because their parents didn’t teach them better?

Bikram once said “The truth is the most bitter pill to swallow”, and he is right. The truth, while it hurts and stings and shakes you to the core, serves to wake you up from any delusions you may harbour.

That is why I only tell you the truth, even though it hurts, even though you may call me a “fucking cold hearted bitch” with “no feelings” who “doesn’t understand what love and sacrifice means”. Yes, my friends, the truth hurts, but I would rather have the compassion to tell you the truth than to see you suffer.

In this case : Can compassion be heartless? Is a slap in the face compassion, even though it is warranted?

Believe me, it hurts me more to see people suffer than it hurts those suffering.

M*

Missing You

Looking around nervously, I tugged my tank top down. I didn’t feel comfortable in my body once more. Am I too fat? Am I too bony? Why are my arms and legs bony but my hips as wide as the Ganges river? How can it be remotely possible for someone to have anorexic limbs but a belly that rivals a Sumo wrestler’s? How is it possible that I see my hip bones protruding out of my skin but I still have muffin tops? Can I eat dinner tonight? Am I allowed to feel full? Is eating bad for me-though I feel no hunger? Are my [nonexistent] boobs going to burst out of my tank top that’s already riding too low? I asked myself as I pulled it down once more.

I sighed again, internally this time. This is the mental hell I have to go through after not meditating/practicing for nearly a month.

I really, really, really am starting to dislike myself. Or my Self.

Taking a tentative step towards the podium, I began my little speech. “Start with Pranayama Deep Breathing…”. My students were getting into the zone. I was starting to get in to the zone as well. The familiarity of the Dialogue is back. I missed saying “Arms over your head sideways, hands palms together …” and the little idiosyncrasies that come with the dialogue.

I looked on in envy as my students attempted Standing Bow Pulling pose, one of my favourites to teach [and to practice]. My heart had a little twang of sadness to it as I saw everyone trying their darndest in Triangle and for a moment I felt absolutely sad by the end of teaching Spine Strengthening series, the class was about to end not for me, but for them.

I tried to remember what it was like to practice, what my last class was like before I fell ill [and was thus ‘banned’ from practicing]. Did I die in class? Did I absolutely love it? I tried to remember what it was like to stand up with a straight spine, to feel all the muscles in my body sigh and move along as I pulled, stretched and how wonderful a feeling it was when I managed to kick both legs in Bow [and saw my own 2 feet]. I tried recollecting the happiness and lightness I felt after every class, how I’d congratulate myself for improving just 1mm in Stretching pose [I know I’ll never get my forehead to my toes- be damned body proportions, but it’s worth a damn try till I’m 85!].

Every time I stepped in the hot room to teach, the feeling of familiarity just comes rushing back, like a long lost lover’s embrace. A little pool of sweat collecting in the small of my back, the trickle of sweat from my scalp all the way down my neck, my spine to legs feels strangely erotic yet comforting. My body felt happy once it was in the hot room, but yet felt strangely cheated that I didn’t do my required 26+2.

I can’t wait to practice again.

M*

The Day I Forgot I Was A Teacher

After a week and a bit of not teaching and 2 weeks of not practicing, I am ashamed to admit that I’m totally out of shape. If physically I’m mouldy, think emotionally, spiritually, and… dialogue-y. Yep, my dialogue, after 1 week of not being in use, has gone to the sharks.

Goodbye.

So long.

Adios.

Getting up onto the podium brought “First Class Nerves” all over again.

“Oh holy SHIT mother of GOD MARY MAGDALENE … I am supposed to tell 13 people what they’re supposed to do. Oh hooollyyy craaaaaap” before I dusted off my metallic balls. Ah, back in business. Sure I sounded shaky, and sure I totally forgot what bodies are supposed to look like / do while in a posture [I blame the nerves] but I am relieved to say I got my groove back after teaching the first set of breathing.

Till I got to padahastasana and forgot my dialogue.

“Continously… keep pulling.. just pull harder, push your knees back and lock your knees!”.

God I wanted to jump off the podium and break my neck, making it my final fall off that damn thing.

Off to read my dialogue once again!

M*